Unthinkable Alternate End 4
by KatherineMP20
Summary: What happens when two friends are forced to face their worst nightmare? Can they overcome what happened between them or will one of them back out? Warning: Possible character death and hints of rape. James&OC
1. Chapter 1

Katie's POV

I feel so dirty and used. I thought I was a person, not some sort of toy, certainly not a sex toy… Maybe I was wrong, I was crazy, stupid even to think that anything would change. I was used and despised at home, why would it be any different here? I guess the only upside is that I was found attractive enough to have sex with, even though I didn't want it. Or did I?

James POV

What the fuck is wrong with me! How could I do something so disgusting and revolting, to my best friend even? Who am I kidding, no way she is my best friend now, I ruined everything. I'm such a fucking freak. I don't deserve to live, people like me make me sick.

It was mere hours since the crime and James had just woken up with a hangover of a lifetime. He was sick to his stomach and the room wouldn't stop spinning; the lights seemed to be brighter and hotter than the sun too. He never felt like this before and once he gathered that he was in the hospital he thought he was dying. He definitely felt like it. There was no one around and when he tried to lift his arms, he saw he was tied down or something, he couldn't really tell, he couldn't see straight or open his eyes for that matter.

He was left alone for what felt like days but instead was a few hours, he had been treated for severe alcohol poisoning and was going to be fine. James wanted something to dull the pain but there is no cure for hangovers, instead he had to ride it out. He spent 5 long hours in silence as he suffered through the pain, he tried to stay as still as possible and eventually his hangover lessened. Now that he was more alert he was able to gather that something was a miss. He was handcuffed to the bed for one, why? He didn't know, he wasn't sure why he was in the hospital in the first place. His memory was still rather fuzzy and he couldn't remember much of anything. A nurse and doctor came in to check on him again, he didn't remember them coming in before but he was in so much pain and so dazed he couldn't focus on anything. They were followed by a police officer which made James more confused. The looks on everyone's faces weren't looks of concern; more like just business. The medical staff checked readings and responses and ignored James' questions before leaving.

"Hey!" James yelled after them. He wanted answers and he wasn't getting any. He fought against the handcuffs that kept him tethered to the bed until a clear mark was visible. He sat back in bed, frustrated before trying to locate his phone. It was no where to be seen, none of his stuff was. He was in only his boxers and a hospital gown.

He spent at least a day in the hospital, alone. Only medical staff and police officers were in his room and no one would give him the time of day. He just wanted to know what was going on, what the hell happened? Two officers came into his room full force, catching him off guard before unlocking the handcuffs. Orderlies were right behind them as they helped James out of bed and into a wheelchair. James was scared now and he just stayed quiet.

"James Diamond, you are under arrest for the sexual battery of Katie Pryszwice" one of the officers began, placing James' hands behind his back.

"WHAT!" he yelled, eyes wide in disbelief that he was being accused of such a crime,

"You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law. You have the right to an attorney, if you cannot afford one, one will be provided for you. Do you under stand theses rights as I have read them too you?" the officer continued placing the cuffs on.

"No I don't, what is going on? I didn't rape anybody, especially not my best friend! What is this, some kind of joke? Let me go!"

"Don't struggle or I will have to use force."

"Where's Katie? This has got to be a misunderstanding! I haven't- I wouldn't rape her! Katie!" he yelled fighting against the officers. They held their ground and forced him down. James was in full panic mode and was difficult to control, the officers had no choice but to taze him. He let out a yelp and began to convulse as he fell out of the chair and to the floor. He was unhurt but temporarily paralyzed, the officers made quick work bringing him to their car and left to the police station.

He was put in a room and left unattended for about an hour, he paced the room in a sweat trying to put together what was happening. Last thing he remembered was coming back from a run and now he's being accused of raping his best friend and co-star! What the hell was going on? He was so deep in thought, when the door opened he nearly jumped out of his skin.

"Someone's a little high strung. That's a guilty sign right there." the interrogator said nonchalantly

"You would be high strung too if you woke up in a hospital feeling like shit and confused as fuck and then taken to the police station after being told you raped your best friend! No one wants to give me any answers! Don't I deserve knowing what the hell is going on?" James argued, slamming the table in front of the calm interrogator. He sat in silence, looking into James eyes, not batting an eyelid before James got frustrated and grunted, leaving the table. He stared out the window for a little bit before coming back.

"Please. Please tell me." he pleaded. The interrogator was a specially trained staff member and he could tell James was utterly clueless, the amount of alcohol in his system had succeeded in wiping much of his memory from the past 2 days. He couldn't remember anything at all. The interrogator got up and opened the door, grabbing a file off the shelf just outside; he tossed it on the table and it slid to James' end. James stared at the folder, occasionally glancing at the interrogator but he said nothing. He made his way back to the table and looked at the folder; the tab had his name on it followed by some letters, probably a code for something.

He hesitantly opened it up and saw his picture and a file sheet with all his information that had just been filled out. The folder was pretty empty, it only had 3 sheets of paper. James didn't have a record of any kind so he didn't expect much but he was still confused. Before he could ask any questions the door opened and an officer handed another folder to the interrogator. He again tossed it to James' end silently.

This folder was blank but it seemed to have a bit of paper in it. He opened it up to see several sheets of paper with all kinds of scientific names and numbers. He couldn't make heads or tails of it.

"What is this?"

"It's also part of your file, everything in there is about you and should answer many of your questions."

"But I don't understand these terms…"

"All those sheets are results from different tests our forensic lab performed in regards to this case. The one you are holding is a toxicology report. It lists all the chemicals found in your body 2 days ago. It seems as though you had quite a bit of fun, you drank a little too much."

"Me? I only ever drink beer and never more than 2!"

"Not according to that list. You were taken to the hospital after you were found with irregular breathing. Come to find out, you had alcohol poisoning, you could have died, if you weren't found when you were."

"Who found me?"

"Hmm, let's see…" he said taking out a small notebook from his pocket "Kendall Knight and Logan Mitchell. You were found in Katie Pryszwice's bed room."

"That doesn't mean I raped her!" James said defending himself.

"Flip to the back of the folder." he instructed. James raised an eyebrow and did what he was told. A bundle of pictures were banded together upside down. He picked them up, unbinding them, before flipping them over to reveal pictures of him laying unconscious on a floor. He had a red mark on his face that in later pictures began to turn light shades of purple. He raised a hand to his face and felt the heat radiating from the area. He never looked himself in a mirror and had no idea, he felt no pain. Pictures showed him in only his boxers, 2 of which clearly showed his man hood. He had woken up before, exposed, it happened with boxers sometimes. He did see that the room he was in was Katie's room and as the pictures surveyed the room, he could see his scattered clothes, bloodied sheets, his cut up belt and an overall mess.

He was beginning to get impatient with these photos, he wasn't seeing anything that accused him of anything more than getting drunk and naked then sleeping it off. He was still confused about that, how could his beer get him that drunk? He tossed the pictures down o the table before going through all of them.

"None of this is making any sense to me at all. It doesn't add up. I don't remember anything."

"There is no hiding the fact that you are a rapist! I'm done playing the nice guy and I will put you behind bars faster than you can say that you confess."

"I didn't rape her!" James argued back. The officer grabbed the bundle of pictures and fanned them out in his hand real quick before finding the ones he wanted. "Then tell me what happened in this photo!" He said slamming it down.

James looked a the picture for only 2 seconds before he nearly fell out of his chair in shock. There was no denying what he saw. Katie, his best friend, lying in a hospital bed, bruised, battered, bloody and worse for wear. Her eyes speaking volumes. He began to cry at the sight of the picture and the officer kept showing him more, each one more severe as they showed each cut, mark and bruise. He couldn't believe it and he didn't want to believe it. He refused to believe it as he cried and yelled, pounding the table.

"No!"

"Yes! It was you, you raped her!" the officer said"No! I couldn't-" He defended

"You did and you didn't stop. You felt overwhelmed at overpowering her and just took control." the officer continued.

"It can't be…" James trailed off

"It is and I have the papers to prove it." he said as he flipped the folder back over and grabbed another sheet. "This is the result of the rape kit, ran on Katie. It found fresh vaginal damage from you're force, you're DNA matched the seminal fluid and pubic hairs found inside her. You did rape her, you did abuse her, and now you're going to rot in jail like the other sickos." He said loudly at first, then dying down to nearly a whisper in his ear.

"No…" James chocked through tears. "No!" He yelled as he hit the table with his fists. He got up while yelling no louder and louder he circled the room before entering into a panic and then a breakdown. He slouched into a corner and began to repeatedly smack his head back against the concrete wall. In an effort to stop him, several officers assisted in dragging him out of the room and getting him emergency treatment for his profusely bleeding cranium. He fought the officers every step of the way before receiving a dose of muscle relaxant and within seconds he was dead weight. He was tied down to the hospital bed where he woke a few hours later dazed and confused, but quickly started yelling and screaming again as the memories he had hoped weren't real, came rushing back. He hoped it was all a dream but it felt to real. He screamed for Katie but she never came, he watched the door, screaming as he was put into an induced sleep.

James was a danger to himself and would need psychological therapy before being able to be returned to the police for processing, he was no longer fit to stand trial.

Katie was in no better condition. Her superficial wounds were healing nicely despite needing 10 stitches and a large dose of pain medication, but her emotional and mental wounds would take time. She barely spoke since arriving to the hospital, staff would not allow male visitors to see rape victims. Katie was all alone in LA, she had no family or friends outside of work. Her cast mates Jo and Camille were only acquaintances and the Jennifers hated everyone. The guys were practically all she had.

She was alone and afraid, mostly female nurses attended to the rape victims as well as female doctors. Occasionally, male personnel had to check in, she would be tense as they worked but she wouldn't struggle. She was afraid but didn't want to be beaten again. Her eyes were dull and almost lifeless and were a cold stone blue instead of the bright, shiny, and happy blue they always were. She slept a lot in the hospital and after a couple days she was transferred to a psychiatric ward in hopes she would open up.

She refused to talk to anyone or even look at them. She felt alone and disgusted with herself. Anytime someone touched her she flinched and stiffened before closing her eyes. Her reactions were typical of rape victims and with any luck she might be cured of it. After a few days in the hospital she was released to a mental health and abuse victim facility. There she was under strict watch but left alone and given time to adjust. She spent much of her time in the shower or in her room.

She felt dirty and no matter how hard she scrubbed or how hot the water was, she just couldn't get clean. She didn't want to leave her room because she didn't want people to see how 'dirty' she was. Her skin had begun to blister in places because of the hot water and in other places it was red and raw, often times bleeding. After a few weeks she eventually gave up and just cowered in a corner of her room as she cried. She would never be the same, she wanted to be loved but not violated. She felt so alone, no one visited her and no one called, she didn't know that the guys weren't allowed to contact her or see her. At the time when she needed someone the most, she didn't have anyone, not even Carlos, and she was devastated by the fact.

She figured that no one ever really cared about her in the first place, but she wasn't overly surprised by her assumption; she was never the first choice on anyone's list. She never had a boyfriend and she was almost 22 years old. She had decided a long time ago to save herself for marriage or at least the right guy but that dream was now long gone. She didn't trust too many people after being bullied for so many years and her decision was based on fear; she didn't want to get close to someone, only to be tricked into giving herself up.

But one thing kept making its way to the front of her mind. She never had a boyfriend, mostly because no one found her attractive. She was an average girl, dark blonde, blue eyes, fair skin, somewhat tom-boyish but still had a girly 'air' about her. She wasn't stick thin but she was still able to run, jump and climb like anyone else. She lived in a superficial place and if you didn't have certain fashion trends or worse, weren't part of a certain group, you were an outcast. Needless to say she was an outcast, she did have some friends but she was still the social outcast. The thing is, James may have raped her, but in order to do that, he would have had to of found her attractive in order to continue his rampage. As sad and disgusting as that was, it gave her some hope. Maybe she was desirable after all. Or at least she was, no one would want the broken and battered self she was now.


	2. Chapter 2

_***AN* Moving right along with this one, still have different possible directions to go with this, but so far its flowing nicely. Not too much to say about this so just enjoy. Keep in mine that updates and future stories may be spread out/sporadic for the time being.** _

Katie's attitude had changed from depressed and miserable to hate and scorn. She still refused to talk with anyone but staff could see she was doing fine. She wasn't eating though, she hadn't had a decent meal since she arrived a week ago. She had become somewhat violent as well, as soon as an orderly came near in an attempt to force feed her, she would lash out. She had caused many injuries, all minor so far, as well as a few hundred dollars worth of damage.  
>Staff decided that since she was doing better and she was actually showing emotion like they wanted without intervention and therapy, they would leave her to her own accord and wait for her to come to them. They checked on her often though for health reasons. She came out of her room more and could often be found in the library or in the stables. She wouldn't ride the horses, just talk to them, pet them and clean them.<br>After a few days, she had gone back into a depression after releasing all the anger she had. It was safe for staff to approach her and she didn't flinch or cower but she still wouldn't eat. She was getting plenty of fluids so her health was not in immediate danger. They put vitamins in her water so she wouldn't become malnourished.  
>She never made friends and refused to get close to anyone. She wanted her friends but she believed they weren't coming and that they didn't care. She hated being alone and just wanted to get out of the facility to go back to her own life. Friendless or not, she didn't want to be behind these walls anymore. She did her best to cooperate and respond with staff; she figured if she did, she would get out faster. She still didn't have an appetite and although the food wasn't bad, she just couldn't force herself to eat much of it, but she ate enough to make them happy. Within 2 months she was released back to the real world after passing a psychological exam. Reality hit hard as she now faced the world alone, she had no money, no job and no where to go. She couldn't go home, her parents thought she was going to be in LA for months if not years, if she went home, there would be too many questions and she didn't want to disappoint or worry them.<br>She started walking down the road, not knowing where it was going to lead.

James was an emotional wreck, for the most part he was kept sedated. Every time he woke up he would have an emotional breakdown, they were so strong that it put a lot of strain on his heart. Keeping him sedated wasn't going to help him at all to recover but it was the only option. The trial had since started and since both parties were unable to attend the case for emotional trauma, it just continued in their stead. James was found not guilty under new evidence that he was drugged according to toxicology reports. According to RI law, a probation sentence still had to be served which he did as he received treatment at the hospital.  
>After several weeks, James was finally able to be sent to a recovery center; it would treat his emotional instability as well as court mandated counseling for his rape and assault. He spent only a month at the facility and made great progress. He had learned all the details of the case and felt better knowing that he wasn't a complete monster. He never stopped thinking about Katie, he knew things would change between them but he hoped that they could overcome it somehow.<br>His friends had been pissed at James for the longest time until they learned the truth and that he wasn't in control. They made every effort to find the culprit and put him or her behind bars, but without the story getting out. In between, they met up with each other and talked for hours, often about Katie and how she was doing. They had no idea she had been released yet, all they knew was that they weren't allowed to see her or be with her and how alone she must be feeling.  
>Right after he was released, he was given the ok to take a vacation to clear his head, all the guys did, they had an extra month to get themselves together before they started shooting. It was mostly men who ran the studio and the network, therefore getting in touch with Katie was virtually impossible. Each star had their own manager and agent to be a liaison if need, Katie's was notorious for being absent minded, forgetful, mean, rude and overall untrustworthy. She neglected her duties quite often only because she hated her job and having to work for, in her own words, "spoiled teenage drama brats." She sound it unfair that she could never be famous and was reduced to working with 'child actors' even though the cast of BTR were all over 21.<br>It was a week before they would begin shooting and producers and executives were getting desperate to reach Katie. The secretary managed to get through only to find out that she had been released 2 months before. They tried her cell which had been disconnected and tried her house but there was no answer. Her parents were on a retirement trip and wouldn't be back for quite sometime, they still had no idea what was going on behind the scenes. The guys eventually caught wind of Katie's disappearance so to speak and began to worry before they began to take action. Carlos had the number of her work place and was instructed to call it only in an emergency. To his relief Katie answered the phone.  
>"Katie! I'm so glad I got a hold of you, we were all worried to death, we've been trying to reach you for a few days now. We need to start filming the next season of the show and wanted to see if you were up for it yet. The rest of us are here, waiting for you." Carlos said. There was a long pause. "Katie? You there?"<br>"You don't need me to film, I'm not the star of the show. I never mattered, I was just something to boost your careers, it was fun while it lasted but I know the truth. I don't want to waste anymore of your time, when you could be bringing joy to other people." she said before hanging up. Carlos stood stunned at the response; he looked down at his phone in disbelief and heartbreak before turning to the others who were waiting. They could tell something was up and looks of anticipation became looks of heart break.  
>"She hates us…" Kendall said.<br>"She doesn't hate us, she hates me." James said taking the blame before storming out.  
>"James, wait a minute!" Logan called out.<br>"Let him go, Logan." Nate told him. "we'll get everything straightened out, just let James have a moment by himself. I want the rest of you to take the day off; we'll post pone the table reads until Katie gets here, which hopefully wont take long."  
>"She doesn't like us anymore, we betrayed her trust. You cant fix that!" Kendall said.<br>"We left her all alone, her worst fear of being abandoned like all the other times in her life coming true. We couldn't even say goodbye and look where it got us."  
>"You weren't allowed to visit, it wasn't your fault. Maybe she doesn't know that you couldn't visit." Nate said. They looked to him with hope in their eyes.<br>"Really?" Kendall said hopeful. "Then there's still a chance! I want the next plane to CT, right now!"  
>"Me too!" Carlos agreed.<br>"Ditto!" Logan followed suit. Cornered, Nate had no choice but to give in.  
>"Order 4 tickets on the next flight out, Susan." he told his secretary. The guys jumped for joy and high fives before running out the door. They had to get packed, but first they had to find James. He was sitting alone in the dark in wardrobe, when Carlos found him.<br>"Dude, come on, we're leaving for CT in a few hours. We're going to see Katie, it's all a misunderstanding." he explained. James didn't flinch, he just sat there with his head in his hands. "James?"  
>He lifted his head to face him, resting his chin on his hands.<br>"I cant do it. I cant face her. I thought I could, Carlos but I cant bear to see the pain in her eyes. I wanted everything to turn out just fine, to put this in the past and pretend like it never happened but who am I trying to fool? There's no fixing what a did, no amount of therapy will fix what a broke. How can I live with myself knowing that I am capable of such a thing?"  
>"You were drugged, you had no control-"<br>"Don't you get it Carlos? It doesn't matter if I was drugged or not, it still happened!" He yelled back, as he stood up. "I ruined her life, I took something from her that she'll never get back and I destroyed several other things too; her trust, her love, her friendship, her peace of mind." he said as he paced the room slowly. "God, I'm so fucked up in the head!" he said louder as slammed the counter. "If I feel this bad, I can't imagine how she must feel."  
>"That's what we're going to find out and we'll be there every step of the way. You just have to jump in and find out if she forgives you or not. This will be hard on all of us if she truly doesn't want to come back, but like I said, we have to find out one way or the other." Carlos persuaded. They got texts for their tickets and left to pack. They arrived in CT after about a day with all the time zones and everything, it was the middle of the night when they arrived and a car was waiting for them. It was an hour to Katie's house but because it was so late they had to wait until tomorrow. They didn't fall asleep until almost 5am and they slept until just after 2. They woke in a tizzy and left their rooms a mess as they flew out the door to Katie's house, cross town traffic had many lights and it took time to get to her house. Her car wasn't there and she didn't answer so they went to her work. Outside the academy sat her car, clean and bright, it was labeled for rescue duty today and they could see steam rising from the engine, indicating that she had just gotten back from a call. They hurried in so they wouldn't miss her to be met with strange looks.<br>"Can I help you…?" a girl at the desk asked. There were several customers in the lobby, many of whom were giving BTR strange looks and were a little miffed at their intrusion. Katie warned them about some of the clients they had, many were the type of people who thought they were above the rest and their dog's behavior reflected it. They were a pain to teach and usually wouldn't take the advice and therefore spread lies saying the academy didn't help them when it clearly worked on the dog but the owner failed to follow through.  
>"We're looking for Katie." Carlos said nicely.<br>"You have a long wait, Pal." said a scruffy older gentleman.  
>"He's right, all these people are her to see Katie. You'll have to sign in, fill out the right forms and wait in line. She's teaching advanced K-9 tactics and acrobatics and then she will begin individual lessons. You're welcome to watch the practices through our show room." She offered. The guys accepted and she let them into a small room with several chairs and a large window that showed a large arena.<br>In the middle was Katie, wearing her uniform, complete with badges and other ID as well as a utility belt, holding sticks of some sort. They saw her run back and forth, moving quickly on her feet as she lead dogs and trainers through a series of jumps, maneuvers and tricks. After 10 minutes, the trainers and dogs stood at attention while 4 people quickly removed and rearranged the course and Katie called out to her ever popular companion, Shadow.  
>They watched for the next hour and were amazed at the talent and work she put into her classes. It was no wonder she was so popular. She really lived up to the levels on her jacket. They saw her dismiss the class and she picked up her supplies before the crew came out again to set up for the next class. She was on the far side of the arena and didn't notice them in the room, she began to walk towards the door before a tapping caught her attention. She looked in the direction of the tapping to see them all standing at the glass, with solemn looks on their faces, hands up ready to wave.<br>They weren't sure of her response, whether she would be happy to see them or angry with them, but they had to find out one way or another. Katie wasn't sure of her feelings herself. Her heart began to race when she saw them and didn't know how to react, she saw their long faces and felt crushed at the way she had acted and talked to Carlos on the phone. She was happy they came all this way to see her but at the same time, she was skeptical; did they come just to tear into her and call her selfish, useless and thankless, as many people did? She never waved back and after their eyes meeting for a few seconds, she looked away and continued on.  
>The guys were devastated, they thought it was true, she didn't want anything to do with them anymore and James couldn't take it and had an emotional breakdown right there in the show room. The others comforted him as best they could before picking him up off the floor to leave, they didn't want to stay and make her any more angry. They were about to leave when the door opened, catching them off guard and nearly dropping James. There in the door, Katie stood, looking them in the eyes waiting for an explanation. She looked neither happy nor angry, her eyes were still stone like instead of being full of life like they always were. She looked kind of dead inside, despite just having laughs in the arena.<br>"Katie, Please reconsider quitting the show. We need you." Kendall started  
>"We WANT you to be there." Carlos insisted. James crawled out of their arms.<br>"Please. Please, don't quit because of me. I'm sorry for what I did. Nothing I say or do could ever make you forgive me, and I don't ask you too. Whether I was drugged or not, there was no excuse. I wish we could be friends again and just go back to the way things were, but I know that it is a long way off; it may not even be possible. Just please, don't quite the show, you have a bright future and we want you to be the star we know you can be." James pleaded. Katie stared at the floor in silence. "I just wish I could have told you this sooner." James continued.  
>"Why?" she started. "If you cared and really meant all this then why didn't any one visit me or even call me? Why was I left alone to suffer in silence?"<br>"We weren't allowed to visit you in the hospital and then they wouldn't tell us where you went." We didn't even know you were released until yesterday!" Logan defended.  
>"You may believe us or not but we do mean it when we say we care about you and wish you would come back." Kendall said<br>"Will you at least think about it?" Carlos added. There was a long pause.  
>"We don't want to continue without you." Logan said<br>"You have to continue, its in your contract. I'm just an addition my contract can be terminated at any time." Katie countered. She was right but Logan still meant what he said. They were losing ground and couldn't take it much longer. "I just need some time. I'm willing to give it another shot, the show is fun to do and I have a lot of laughs. I do like being famous as well but I'm just not ready to return yet. I need more time to myself, this isn't some small accident that takes a few weeks to heal, this is serious and will take some time. If the network is willing to wait, I'm willing to continue."  
>"Done! If that is all it takes, then considerate done." Kendall agreed quickly. A few phone calls to the network and the extension was granted without an issue. The guys threw a small party as they jumped around in the show room at the news. Katie had since gone back to teaching and their outburst was caught be one of the students. She looked over and saw her goofy friends jumping around like teenagers; she called out to them with the help of the microphones and speakers set up in the arena. They stopped quickly at the sound of their names and were a bit embarrassed to see everyone staring at them but they made the most of it and gave an apologetic wave before sitting back down to watch Katie work<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

The guys decided that they would stay a few days in CT, they got a hotel and a car and went sightseeing while Katie worked. They had some laughs and caught up about their personal lives as much as they could, the guys would have to go back in at least a week to do other work for the show.  
>It was late afternoon when it was time to leave. Katie gave them a ride to the airport, it was a bit of a distance. It was a bit busier on the road than normal so it was slow going most of the way there. There were many aggressive drivers as well and they had many close calls. Katie was an awesome driver, she only had her license for a few years but she had been driving since she was about 15. She was a defensive driver, working with dogs, her main concern was her cargo and herself rather than yelling obscenities at passerby who wouldn't hear her anyway.<p>

"Sir? Can you hear me? Blink if you can hear me." a voice was buzzing above Logan in a controlled but hurried manner. His head hurt and he just wanted the voice to go away so he vaguely did what it asked and blinked. The light shining at him stung and her closed his eyes hard and tried moving away from it.  
>"Excellent, can you move your feet or me?" the voice asked again.<br>Logan was beginning to become more alert now and was able to sense something wasn't right. He tried opening his eyes again, slowly this time, to look around. He couldn't see much beyond a woman who was standing above him. His vision was blurry and he tried blinking a few times in an effort to clear his vision. Before he could get a good look a light was shone into his eyes and he moved away again; but he was held in place and his eyes forced opened. The few seconds it took for the EMT to shine the light into both of his eyes, were torture for him.  
>"Can you move your feet for me?" she asked again. He responded quickly to avoid being violated again. "Great." she said.<br>Logan began to move and he was startled by it. He went to sit up but was met with a steady hand to hold him on the gurney. He laid back down still in a bit of a daze, he was roughly aware of what was going on but not alert enough to get answers. He was lifted into the ambulance, drifting in and out of consciousness on the way to the hospital. He woke up later in a dimly lit room.  
>His head still hurt but not as much. He heard a beeping, making him vaguely aware that he was in the hospital. After a few minutes he got the courage to look around; he saw all the equipment next to his bed but unlike his TV character he knew almost nothing about the medical field. On the other side he saw a curtain that was half pulled around; he couldn't see much but he could see someone was occupying it. He let out a sigh as he rest his head back against the pillow but quickly regret doing both as his head began to pound again. He reached up to comfort his head and that's when he felt the gauze tapped to the side of his forehead, he also felt a good sized bump. He tried to think what happened but he drew a blank.<br>Apparently he dozed off for a little bit, because the sound of medical staff working on them woke him up. He was greeted with smiles.  
>"Good, you're awake. How are you feeling?" a woman asked. Dazed and groggy, Logan took a minute before responding.<br>"I feel like crap." he said simply.  
>"Where does it hurt?" she asked<br>"Mostly my head. What happened?" He responded.  
>"You got a nice sized bump on your head as well as a couple cuts. You'll be in a little pain for a few days. You were in a car accident, but your going to be just fine." she said. Logan gave a soft smile as he kept fading in and out, he wasn't getting everything that was being said to him. The woman, who was his doctor, told her staff to move the curtains back; James was lying in bed wide awake and looked over to his buddy. James was alert and full of energy but stayed still and just watched Logan, waiting for him to look at him. He tried to reach out to him but he was a little too far; that and a pain shot up his side and he winced back quickly, clutching his chest to make the pain stop.<br>"Try not to move too much or exert too much energy. You have a few cracked ribs and bruising, so you'll be in some pain for a while." A nurse advised. He did as he was told and tried to stay still, as much as he wanted to move around, he didn't want to feel that pain again. The nurse went to get him some pain medication to help dull some of it. After a few minutes, the staff left the two of them to rest.  
>"Logan?" James whispered. Logan was still a little groggy and was resting his eyes but at the sound of his name he moved slightly in response. "Logan." James said again. Logan moved his head around to try to focus in on the voice before landing on James.<br>"James…?" he said softly "What's…going on?"  
>"We're in the hospital, dude."<br>"The hospital…? …Katie's having surgery…" he mumbled thinking that was what they were there for.  
>"No, dude, we were in an accident." James stated<br>"An accident? Who had an accident?" Logan faded out  
>"We did." James said again.<br>"We all make mistakes. Give it another take, let's do it again." Logan continued babbling as if he was on set, eventually just fading out again. James decided to leave it at that and let him get his rest. He nodded off himself actually after being startled awake by Logan calling his name.  
>"Who! What?" James said frantically. "OWWW FUCK! Son of a bitch!" he said immediately after from the pain. He moaned in a fetal position for a minute before the pain subsided. A nurse heard him yell and came in to check on him and saw him in the awkward position. She checked his readings and left only when James could relax.<br>"Yo, man, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were hurt that bad."  
>"…It's fine…" James replied softly, taking deep breaths "What's up?"<br>"I was hoping you could fill me in."  
>"I tried to earlier, as did the doctor, but you were still out of it. We were in a car accident." he said flatly<br>"Where are the others? Are they okay?"  
>"I don't know, its just us for now. They must be elsewhere, I tried asking but I didn't get any answers. From what I gather, we aren't in that bad of shape so I assume the accident wasn't all that bad. We just have some bumps and bruises." James explained.<br>"I cant believe I fell asleep!"  
>"you always fall asleep in a car. Its not a big deal-"<br>"Yeah it is James. Katie was driving, when has Katie ever gotten into an accident? She always avoids them! Do you remember anything?" Logan asked  
>"I don't. I was doing something or maybe thinking of something and then I woke up here. Maybe it was a malfunction or another bad driver. Katie has that dash cam, I'm sure something could be scrounged up from it." James responded<br>"I hope you're right." Logan sighed. They talked very little and just listened to the commotion outside for any indication of their friends. After long last, the doctor came in to check on them again with staff.  
>"Oh good, you're both awake!" She smiled. "That's a great sign. How are you both feeling?"<br>"Not too bad." Logan replied.  
>"I'm afraid to move." James replied. The doctor looked at her charts for a second.<br>"Oh yes, You'll be in some pain for about a week at least. You'll have to take it easy. Both of you will be just fine, but because of a combination of your injuries and your accident, you'll be staying the night for observation. We have your rooms all prepared for you, deluxe suites with the works and your own staff to wait on you!" She joked as the orderlies prepared them for travel.  
>"Wait, what about our friends? How are they?" Logan asked.<br>"Who are your friends?" she asked  
>"Kendall Knight, Carlos Garcia and Katie Pryzswiec" James quickly divulged<br>"Hmm. I only have Carlos Garcia in my patient roster. I wasn't the attending doctor for your other two friends. They might still be in surgery or have already been treated, depending on the case. I'm sure the medical staff upstairs might have more information." she said making way for them. They went without an argument and were split up, taking separate elevators and each getting his own room. They were each given another dose of pain medication and quickly nodded off for the night.  
>"Logan? Logan!" a voice said, shaking him. Logan opened his eyes to be met with a concerned Kendall.<br>"Dude, what's up?" He asked softly as he stretched.  
>"Just wondering if you were alright." Kendall responded<br>"I'm fine; although I did just get woken up." Logan said into his pillow  
>"Sorry about that. I was just concerned. You're the first person I've seen this morning."<br>"James, wake up." Logan said sleepily  
>"Dude, James isn't here." Kendall said confused<br>"Yeah he is, he's behind the curtain." Logan insisted  
>"Logan you're in here alone." Kendall insisted. Logan shot up in bed and looked around to confirm that he was alone. He then remembered they were separated last night but he had no idea where the others were. He raised his hands to his head; the force of him getting up made his head pound again which reminded him of his injuries.<br>"How did you find me?"  
>"I saw you being wheeled out last night and asked where they were taking you. I couldn't stay though; I was kicked out right after they fixed me up." he replied holding up his arm. "I just got my arm broken." his arm was cast from his fingers to half way up his upper arm in a bright and clean blue bandage.<br>"Dude that looks serious."  
>"I was hopped up on pain killers when the Dr. was talking so I'm not entirely sure what's going on in there." Kendall explained.<br>"I heard we were in a car accident."  
>"Yeah I know. I'm still kind of fuzzy on the whole thing; I wasn't paying attention, I was trying to get some shut eye. But I remember being awake when it happened and then it just happened so fast its all just a blur. Next thing I knew I was being checked out by EMTs "<br>"James was the same except he had blacked out, he knew more than me. I was sleeping when it happened I guess. Maybe Carlos or Katie know more. You should try to find them, I want to see if I can get a few more minutes, maybe even hours." Logan said hitting the pillow.  
>"Sure." Kendall smiled before leaving him. He made his way to the nearest nurse's station to ask about his friends.<br>"Hi. I just came from a friends room and I was wondering if the rest of them were nearby."  
>"Let me take a look, what are their names?" she asked. He gave her the list of names and she searched each one. "It doesn't appear they are in this unit. You'll have to check with information at the end of the hall; they'll have a list of all the patients and should be able to tell you where your friends are."<br>"Thanks."  
>"No problem." she replied as Kendall walked away, following her directions to the desk. He came out of the pavilion and was making his way right when his name was called. He swung around and saw James being wheeled from the left.<br>"James!" he said relieved as he rushed to him. The nurse stopped him before he got to close.  
>"Be careful, your friend has cracked ribs. Its important that he stay still and no rough housing so they heal." She warned.<br>"What are you doing here Ken-dizzle?"  
>"Looking for everyone. I couldn't do it last night, after I was patched up, I was kicked out. I had to find a hotel room in the middle of the night. It's a lot more difficult than you would think, especially when you have to walk the whole way."<br>"Why didn't you just call a cab?" James questioned  
>"I didn't have enough and my wallet was gone" Kendall explained<br>"Probably lost it in the crash."  
>"Yeah about that…What happened?'<br>"I have no idea." James responded  
>"Well you're a big help." Kendall said sarcastically<br>"I try." he smiled.  
>"So where are you off too?" Kendall asked<br>"He's getting one more test and then, depending on the results, discharged." the nurse answered for him.  
>"Oh, ok. I'll meet you back in your room then? I was just on my way to find out where Carlos and Katie are to see how they are doing."<br>"Yeah sure." James agreed before being wheeled away. Kendall watched for a few seconds as he was wheeled away before trying to regain his sense of direction and headed to the info desk.  
>"Hello, can I help you?" an elderly gentleman greeted Kendall.<br>"Hi, I'm looking for 2 of my friends, we were all in a car accident yesterday and I just want to see how they are doing."  
>"Hmm I see. How many people were in the car?"<br>"Uh, 5."  
>"You see to have gotten away with just a broken arm. Arent you lucky? You must have been the driver." The man said gruffly, accusing Kendall of being a reckless high school driver.<br>"Actually, my best friend was. She's one of the people I'm looking for. Could you just tell me where they are?" Kendall flatly said back, trying to get the man off his back, but still sounding polite. The man looked at the screen in front of him and did some typing before asking Kendall who he was looking for.  
>"Mr. Garcia is in surgery at the moment, I don't have any additional information at this time and as for Miss, Pryzsweic, only her name is listed and nothing else, meaning no visitors. Sorry." he said. Kendall sighed and thanked the man anyway and went back to James room to wait for him. <p>


	4. Chapter 4

Kendall wasn't waiting long before James returned. The results of the test were quick and he was allowed to leave. The nurse and his attending doctor filled out all his paper work and a prescription for pain meds. A nurse came back with instructions and all kinds of itinerary for him to follow over the next couple weeks and then he was discharged. He wasn't allowed to walk out per hospital policy but he had nowhere to go at the moment, so Kendall just wheeled him to Logan's room. Logan was awake and watching TV. He didn't get the sleep he had hoped, a nurse woke him up instead to check on him. They had woken him all night every few hours; obviously it was because of his head injury but he just wanted to sleep. He was clear of any danger now but he would be discharged at any time.  
>Kendall told him what he found out about the others and told him he would check back later. They had no idea what was going on and just wanted some answers but no one could give them any. All they knew was that Carlos was in surgery which sounded serious on its own and no one could see Katie which just brought back bad memories from before. They sat in silence and just watched some TV and it wasn't long before Logan fell back asleep. A nurse came in and was surprised to see company, she expressed her concern for Logan and they just responded with their own story of why they were there and she let them stay. She saw Logan was sleeping and decided to let him catch a few winks before discharging him. All he was going to want to do was sleep for another day or two because of the pain meds.<br>After an hour, Kendall went back to the info desk to check on Carlos condition. Luckily the man was gone and replaced by a younger guy who recognized him. Kendall played it cool and was polite but made it clear he didn't want it to be a huge thing. The guy responded well and gave him his space; Kendall was tentative to ask the guy for the information and ultimately just asked where the gift shop was. He followed the guys directions until he was out of sight and made his way to the main info booth on the main floor.  
>"Ah, here we are. Carlos Garcia is out of surgery and recovering nicely in his room. You should be able to see him in about a half hour. As for Katie, I don't have much info on her, except that her condition is stable. I don't have a room number just a doctor's contact. You're welcome to check back to see if anything changes but I am afraid that this is all I can give you." the lady behind the desk said. Kendall thanked her and returned to Logan's room where a nurse and doctor were standing above him. His heart began to pound at the sight of them but his fears were quickly put to rest when he saw Logan awake and moving.<br>Logan was discharged and given his instructions and medicine before he was dressed and situated in a wheel chair. They doctor and nurse left after they finished with Logan and Kendall stood in the room puzzled. He had a hard enough time trying to wheel James while Kendall was in an arm cast let alone try to push both of them to Carlos room which was on the other side of the hospital.  
>Logan managed to wheel himself for a little while but quickly tired. Kendall lined Logan behind James and had him pushsteer James while he pushed both of them as best he could. It took a while but they eventually got to Carlos' room. He was awake but not yet ready for visitors just yet and they had to wait outside.  
>"Are you Carlos's friends?" a nurse asked.<br>"Yes Ma'am." Logan replied.  
>"I figured as much, the state you boys are in gave it away but I wanted to be sure." She smiled. "He's still coming out of the anesthesia, you should be able to see him in a little bit although it would be best if you don't stay long to avoid excitement. He needs to rest."<br>They nodded in agreement as she left and continued to wait until they were finally allowed inside. Carlos was nearly wide awake, he was moving in bed but his movements were slow. His face lit up at the sight of his friends.  
>"Guys! You're alright!" he said loudly. They motioned for him to stay quiet and told him it was for his own good. They stayed quiet and still as role models and since they didn't have the energy. They talked for a while on the injuries they had , how they felt and tried to piece what happened together. Carlos was sitting in the front seat and was talking with Katie so he knew more then the others.<br>"This deer came out of nowhere and jumped into the road. Katie swerved to avoid it and as far as I know she did. My heart was pounding like crazy but Katie was as calm as could be or at least she looked like it; I bet on the inside she was just as freaked out as I was. The truck had stalled so she went to re-ignite the engine but that's where everything goes blank." Carlos explained.  
>They still had no idea about Katie, they knew she was here at least so she wasn't left at the accident or anything. They were worried but not as much as they would have been if she wasn't listed at all in the hospital. They just wanted to see her and make sure she was ok. They didn't want her to feel alone again.<p>

Carlos' attending doctor came in during their discussion.  
>"Ah I see, you are recovering quite well Carlos. Any pain?" She asked.<br>"Not too much." he replied.  
>"Good to hear. We'll keep you on the medication while you recover here."<br>"I cant go home?"  
>"I'm afraid not, you did have surgery after all. It wasn't serious and you'll make a full recovery but its best if you stay here for another day or two."<br>"What happened to me? I know it was a car accident but do you have the details?"  
>"Yeah I'd like to know too, how did we get our injuries and where were we?"<br>"I only have Carlos' charts so I can't say for sure what exactly happened to all of you. Yes, you were in a car accident and it seemed to be quite bad, the car was rolled over, crushed, and upside down in a ditch along side the road. Carlos was found quite a distance away, you were ejected from the car either from the impact or during its tumble. You had some slight internal bleeding and were impaled by a branch you landed on; luckily for you, it missed all your vital spots."  
>"Wow, what a mess…" Carlos said softly. They were all quiet for a moment as it sunk in, they still couldn't remember much of the accident. Now that they had an outcome and somewhat of a beginning they tried playing the story in their heads but the middle was still missing each time.<br>"Do you boys remember where you were sitting?"  
>"I was sitting shot gun." Carlos said<br>"I was behind him" James added  
>"I was chilling in the 3rd row." Kendall replied<br>"I was sleeping in the 2nd row next to James.  
>"Then who was driving?" she asked confused.<br>"Our friend Katie." James said  
>"She was driving us to the airport." Logan added<br>"Oh, I see. How is she?" the doctor inquired  
>"We don't know, no one can tell us anything. I only just found out that she was even listed in the hospital." Kendall said.<br>"Why don't I see if I can find out anything, you boys have been through enough and you seem worried for your friend. The least I can do is give you some answers." She smiled. Their faces brightened with hope that she really could fill them in. She left quickly and came back in about 20 minutes.  
>"I found your friend! She's in our specialized recovery ward. She has many cuts, bruises and bumps and the only serious injuries seem to be in her leg and her shoulder." she announced cheerfully<br>"Her right leg or left leg?" Carlos wondered  
>"Right. She had an old injury that needed treatment?" she questioned<br>"Yeah. She was supposed to get surgery in a few months after she recovered from previous injuries." Kendall said flatly, purposely leaving out how it happened. Images flashed in his mind as he talked.  
>"I see. Her leg was mangled and nearly crushed in the accident, its repairable for sure and she'll walk again with no problem. She needed surgery on her leg and we figured that the surgeons might as well fix everything while they were in there to cut down on time she would be laid up." she said<br>"Makes sense. When is her surgery?" Logan asked  
>"She went in last night and came out at about 5 am this morning. She's been sleeping ever since. She's going to be in some pain so its best if she stays asleep, it will help her recover faster. That's why she wasn't allowed to have visitors." she replied. "Her shoulder isn't too bad, she was impaled by glass. She'll be in a sling for a few weeks and will need therapy to be sure that she will still be able to use it well."<br>"When will we be able to see her?" James asked suddenly.  
>"Like I said, she's in a special ward and cant have visitors. Once she wakes up and she's evaluated, it will be up to staff at that point if she can have visitors."<br>"Evaluation?" Kendall questioned confused. "What for?"  
>"Hmm…let's see here." the doctor said flipping through her notes on Katie. "Ah here we are. 'Further tests indicated 2 fetuses in late 2nd trimester had been terminated due to impact. An extraction was performed while mother was unconscious. Pregnancy signs were minimal and nearly inhospitable for fetuses to survive'"<br>"Come again?" Carlos said leaning in.  
>"Wait a minute, she was PREGNANT?" Kendall asked in disbelief. Logan just stood dumfounded at the news and James had gone pale.<br>"According to these notes yes. But the signs were so minimal it wouldn't have been noticeable and she may not have known herself. According to her history she had already been diagnosed with a genetic disorder that would make her sick just for the hell of it. And being in treatment for it, calls for days that can feel 10x worse. This is why she will be getting evaluated, losing a pregnancy is a very traumatic experience for a mother especially first time mothers. If she never knew about it, which chances are high that she didn't, then she will never know and be just fine. Otherwise she will need to seek counseling." she explained. She stared at them and they said nothing out of shock. "Although I did break several codes just now by telling you all of this. You didn't know either by the looks of it; or did you?"  
>"We havent seen her since July." Logan answered<br>"We just flew in from LA 3 days ago because we couldn't get a hold of her and when we did, we ended up having a problem so we rushed out here. That's why we were on our way back to the LA." Carlos explained  
>"She looked normal; nothing out of the ordinary, she was the same weight, same height, full of energy and her appetite was the same. I had no idea she was pregnant!" Kendall rattled off.<br>"Do any of you have any idea who the father might have been? Its important we get a hold of him, that's if he is still in her life. Her pregnancy was about 6 months along." she said.  
>6 months, the timing didn't lie. They sat in silence, heads down as they relived that nightmare. They didn't want to go down that road ever again but they had no choice. The doctor began to form her own theories as too their reluctance to speak. But what she came up with shocked them all.<br>"I see. We have to do a paternity test I assume?" she stated flatly and a little impatient.  
>"What!" Kendall stood to his feet in disgust.<br>"How dare you! Katie isn't a slut, she doesn't sleep around with random guys just because she's a star!" James joined.  
>"Just because we're her closest friends doesn't mean we're fuck buddies either!" Kendall argued.<br>"you call yourself a doctor? Arent you supposed to treat your patients with respect?" Logan said. Carlos' heart monitor began to climb and an alarm went off causing nurses and another doctor to come flying in. Carlos, desperate to join the fight, wouldn't go down easily but was eventually laid down where he proceeded to become short of breath and wheeze before overworking himself and going into cardiac arrest.

Kendall, James and Logan were pushed outside in all the commotion where they spent time cooling off. They felt insulted that a doctor would be so impulsive a rude. Sure they didn't want to talk about what happened and they wanted to help Katie in anyway possible but to be accused of something so vile as a casual fuck made them feel so dirty and low. James regretted what he did, from the bottom of his heart. He hated that he did that to her, taking something so precious from her. They were all firm believers in saving sex for the one you love and he just couldn't live with himself knowing he took that from Katie. He had been in rehab and psychologist sessions ever since then and had several thoughts and even attempts at suicide but each time he was caught before he could do anything drastic. His actions were less frequent as time went by but this threw him over the edge again and inside he was breaking into thousands of pieces.  
>James had his head in his hands and was trembling. He was spooked when Kendall put a hand on his shoulder in comfort. He looked up at Kendall with tears streaming down his face.<br>"I'm so sorry Kendall, I had no idea she was pregnant. Believe me, if I had known I would have been there. I would have stepped up and been a father to them. I wouldn't let her go through it alone. I cant believe what I did, I'm such a failure at life!" he said pounding the wall. The wall trembled and shook the glass panes along the wall loudly causing the hospital to stand still for a moment. Kendall wasn't sure what to say, he was mad but also saddened by everything.  
>Carlos had since made a comeback and was stable but he wasn't allowed visitors anymore, at least for the rest of the day. He didn't need anymore excitement and was knocked out to help speed his recovery. The doctor was reprimanded and the guys were offered counseling. They accepted and just sat with the therapist for hours as they all talked together. They felt a huge weight lifted off their shoulders as they discussed the situation as a whole and the options and possible outcomes. They were dismissed satisfied and were greeted by a new doctor who was now in charge of both Katie and Carlos' cases. He filled them in with news of both of their recoveries and told them they could visit both of them tomorrow. Katie had passed her evaluation and would be released sometime tomorrow afternoon. They agreed that no one would speak of her pregnancy, just the car accident itself if she asked. With nothing left to do, they hailed a cab and made their way to the hotel Kendall was renting where they shared the one room. Kendall slept on the couch giving Logan and James the bed to share since they needed it more. Although they weren't thrilled to share a bed; they were grown men after all. <p>


	5. Chapter 5

Kendall woke up earlier than the others, he had had a rough night's sleep; there was a lot on his mind. He was a mix of emotions and thoughts and had no idea where to start. How was this going to change everything this time? From what the doctors had said, no one would have noticed until she gave birth, if she gave birth that is. Either way it would have given them more time to somewhat prepare or force themselves to accept it and deal with it then. Now it was just beating around the bush, they had to live with the fact that she had lost two children at only 21 and she knew nothing.  
>It wasn't fair he thought. He crushed a cup in his hand and tossed it near the trash, not picking it up when it missed. He sat on the couch and cooled off enough to remember what she must have gone through before. Being violated by her best friend had to have taken its toll, this had to be similar. They weren't even his children and he felt so depressed. He came to terms with everything pretty quickly although he was still upset. As soon as the others woke up, they grabbed a bit to eat and made their way to hospital.<br>They visited Carlos first but he was still asleep. He would be staying in the hospital for a few more days, he was fairing well but after going into cardiac arrest the doctors wanted to make sure everything was working properly. They stayed for a few minutes before deciding to see Katie, if all was well, she might be able to leave later in the day. She was still asleep too when they arrived; according to the nurses, she had been up until about 3am and didn't sleep to soundly which was normal for many patients.  
>They went in quietly and sat around her so they would be the first things she saw when she woke up. They whispered to each other as they moved the chairs around and it caught Katie's attention but she was too sleepy to comprehend anything. They sat quietly and played on their phones, answering tweets, playing games and just surfing the web as they took turns flipping through a magazine Kendall picked up in the gift shop.<br>An hour had passed before a nurse came in with a tray of food; Katie had to eat before she was discharged. The nurse woke her up and Katie was pretty much alert almost instantly, she didn't see the guys though, the nurse had a curtain pulled around to block their view as she was adjusted. Katie was eager to eat, she hadn't yet since she arrived and she was hungry, she dug in quickly and made little work out of it as the nurse watched. She finished the small meal quickly but was satisfied and the nurse left. The guys were waiting outside to give the nurse space; the nurse put the tray on the cart and filled them in on Katie's well being.  
>"She had no problems eating, she was quite enthusiastic. Whoever is going to be with her, make sure she doesn't eat too fast or too much in one sitting. She didn't use a knife and fork though, she tried but quit."<br>"That sounds like Katie alright!" Kendall chuckled  
>"She can't use a knife and fork at the same time. She never could, in fact she can only work a cutting knife when cooking. Its just something we've dealt with." Logan said with a smile. The nurse was satisfied and left them to wait a little longer; it was best Katie digest a little first before she got visitors. A half hour passed before the nurse came back and gave them the go ahead to see her. The opened the door, filed in and pulled back the curtain. She was awake to their delight.<br>"We have got to stop meeting like this." Logan began as he entered. Katie looked in shock at the source of the voice but it quickly turned to glee as her face lit up. She nearly jumped out of bed.  
>"Logan!" she said with a huge smile. She reached out in a motion to hug, her arm left arm strapped to her chest. Logan met her with a half hug to avoid hurting her shoulder, but squeezed as tight as he could. Kendall followed suit, followed by James who didn't want to let go. Logan pulled him away to avoid questions. "I'm so glad you guys are all right, I was so worried! I'm sorry about this, I cant believe this happened. And after everything we went through, we were supposed to start shooting too."<br>"Hey don't worry about it, at least we're all alright." James comforted  
>"You guys don't look fine to me, your all banged up!" she protested<br>"You're one to talk!" Kendall teased.  
>"We'll all go home in time and then we'll get back to work. We're all going to be just fine and make a full recovery." Logan assured<br>"Where's Carlos?" Katie interjected.  
>"He's still in bed.; he's not quite fixed up yet. He's awake and doing fine, but he's just got to stay a few more days, since he had surgery. Like you." Kendall explained<br>"So he was hurt…" Katie said softly. "I remember getting hit, but when I woke up he wasn't next to me. Instead, James was, or at least half of him was. I thought maybe he had gone for help or was ejected from the car. I tried to get out but that's when I noticed I had my own problems. The pain started coming on strong and I blacked out a few times. I tried calling you guys but you didn't hear me, I'm not entirely sure I even had a voice, my ears were ringing and my head, pounding so I couldn't hear anything. I saw you guys all bloody and….You were such a mess I thought I lost you all." she choked through tears. They swarmed her as she cried, assuring they were fine. They talked for a little while and were able to fill in some of the blanks in their memories.  
>Carlos was right, Katie had slammed on the breaks to avoid a deer family that jumped out in front of them. What they didn't know was, when she swerved the only option was to go left, crossing into oncoming traffic, the right side was a cement barrier. The engine stalled and the wheel locked; she crossed into the opposing lane, where an oncoming vehicle with no headlights crashed into them head on, sending them into a tail spin back into their own lane. They stopped spinning and tried to gain their balance. A speeding car came down the blind curve and didn't see the mangled car in time to stop and sent them through a break in the barrier. They rolled down the steep embankment where they came to a stop at the flat of a small pond, taking several small trees on the way down.<br>"There were so many things going through my mind in those few seconds. I saw all of our memories and all I could think about was everything we had gone through and how I didn't want it to end like this. How I couldn't say I was sorry or that I was going to be held accountable and how much I really did enjoy being famous, even if its not as much as you. I had people that liked me and I didn't want to go back to being an unknown or worse, hated because I killed you guys. How would I live with myself if that happened? Everything was happening so fast I couldn't handle everything that was going on and then it all went dark." She continued after telling the story. "The things that I saw will be forever burned in my mind, it scares me so much at how close I was to losing the only people who cared about me, even in the slightest."  
>"Don't worry about what happened. What's important is that we're all ok. As long as we're good, there is no need to worry." Kendall consoled<br>"Yeah. We may be a little banged up but we'll recover. And that's what you and Carlos both need to focus on doing right now." Logan said  
>"Rest up, we'll be staying in CT until at least Carlos is released. We'll probably have to go back to LA once everything is settled, so all the more reason to store up some energy and regain strength." Kendall assured<br>"Speaking of which, has anybody called the network to let them know what happened? We were supposed to arrive 3 days ago." James asked  
>"No I didn't. we should get that done. We will probably head back in a week. You two might be fine but I'll still be in this cast for a few weeks, needless to say, we wont be filming for a while." Kendall replied<p>

"Glad to hear you are all alright. I wasn't expecting you back at the studio for a while anyway. I figured you would spend a few days up there then fly back and chill for a little bit. Thanks for filling me in though. Since you are all out of commission for another month or 2 I figure it will give us some time to do some planning and other work for the show and tour. As soon as everyone is able I'd like you all to come to the studio. Tell Katie I'd like her to return to marketing until she's ready to start filming." Nathan said  
>"Sure." Logan said.<br>"Take it easy while you are there, keep me filled in on anything going on and I'll see you in about 1-2 weeks." Nate continued  
>"Sounds good, Thanks Nate." Logan said<br>"No problem, take care Logan." came his reply.  
>After a week, both Carlos and Katie were released from the hospital. They weren't allowed to fly just yet so the studio granted them another week while they regained their strength. They crashed at Katie's house and helped out. Although Carlos was well enough to leave the hospital, he was still weak, sore and bed ridden. James was recovering nicely but was still taking it easy. It still hurt occasionally when he breathed or bent over. He could do a lot for himself but he sat around a lot during the day. Kendall, wasn't much help to anyone with his arm so he stayed with James and Carlos and kind of watched over them. Logan went to work with Katie to help out there, he took over her more laborious duties such as cleaning cages, pens and the cars as well as doing heavy lifting on pick-up runs. She did the paperwork and taught her classes. Logan had a new found respect for Katie after working with her for a few days; he wasn't a big animal person and didn't realize how much work was actually involved or why people want to dedicate their lives to them. He saw the amount of work and effort that was put into it and understood why Katie enjoyed it so much.<br>Kendall and Logan were called back to the studio to help with preparations before the others showed up. Katie spent a few days at home and cared for James and Carlos before they left in few days.  
>"Katie, I cant find my wallet. I think it might be in your car, can you see if its there and bring it to me when you fly out?" Kendall called the next day.<br>"Sure. I'll have to track down my car, I have no idea where it is."  
>"Let me ask Logan." he said. Katie could hear him talking to Logan in the background but couldn't make out what he was saying. "He says to ask the police station and your insurance company. Most likely it went to either a junk yard or a garage. It should be accessible until you sign the papers. Oh and Logan's missing his phone and jack knife."<br>"Ok, I'll search the whole car for all this stuff, no doubt there is a lot missing, all my equipment was in that car and I havent gotten any of it back yet. I'll see if James can help me move some of the stuff. I don't think Carlos is quite up to it yet." she replied  
>"I can help you with what ever you need, don't count me out yet!" Carlos interrupted with a smile. Katie smiled back.<br>"Ok, I'll get all the stuff and we'll bring it out in a few days. Since we're all feeling better, we might be able to leave a little earlier." Katie said  
>"Don't push yourselves, remember we still have time before filming starts." Kendall said<br>"I know but we're all getting antsy just sitting around." she said. They hung up from each other and Katie told Carlos about her discussion. Carlos agreed to come along and help put as best he could and then they filled James in who was more than happy to get out of the house.  
>"I'm missing my keys anyway." he said as he stood up.<br>"I'm missing all my stuff; my phone, mp3, wallet and my keys. I need that stuff, my license is in my wallet and all the keys for work were on my keychain. Plus I want to get as much of my equipment back as possible. Let's go." Katie said.  
>Before leaving, Katie managed to track down her car; it was in a scrap metal yard a few towns over. It would be a while before the paperwork could be filed, but by the sound of the conversation, her vehicle was totaled. She was disheartened, she loved that car. Her father bought her the car as a present for finishing her first year of school. Although she came from a middle class family, money was tight and anything she received that was more than $100 she cherished and cared for with the utmost care.<br>When they got to the yard, there was an employee waiting for them with a wheeled cart. He took them to her car, which was nothing more than a mangled mess. It was covered in dirt, mud, twigs, leaves and scratches. Chunks of the front end were missing; all four sides were smashed in and the windows were shattered or cracked. Upon closer inspection, dried blood was scattered around the car. The door was locked so she reached in the broken window and undid the lock; however it was the only thing holding the door on and it immediately fell off. She got out of the way in time and pushed it away from her before letting it crash to the ground. She looked at it for a minute before stepping on the running bar and maneuvering herself inside as best she could with her strapped arm and shoulder.  
>Carlos and James got close to start helping but before they could get inside or help guide her, she started handing things to them starting with Logan's jack knife and his phone. His screen was cracked and it didn't turn on but it most likely just had a dead battery. She found James keys stuck between the cushions and she pulled them out with a struggle, losing her balance and falling between the seats once they came out. She handed them to James and he shoved them in his pocket before grabbing her to pull her out. It pained him to do so but he tried not to let it show.<br>Katie climbed into the back seat next where a lot of her equipment had ended up in the crash. She started handing things off, broken or not; she would take an inventory of what ever needed to be replaced later, right now she was told to empty her car as best she could. She handed off her all kinds of things: crops, ropes, tie outs, bowls, bags, even horse equipment. There were a lot of small things that were contained in a tall plastic box with drawers but it had been smashed to smithereens in the crash and now it was all over her car. Grooming tools, vitamins, minerals and supplements, first aid equipment, car care chemicals and more.  
>After an hour, her car was cleaned out. She had gone over every inch of that vehicle, crushed and uncrushed. She found Kendall's wallet under the backseat but she couldn't quite reach it. The employee fetched a long staff and he managed to fish it out. She found all her things too, although worse for wear. Her things and equipment could be replaced, as would most of the guys stuff, but their lives couldn't be replaced no matter what and she was glad they had all made it out alive.<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

The front seat of the car was the most damaged, especially on the driver's side; it was clear that Katie had tried to avoid hurting them as best she could. Nevertheless, Katie managed to get herself wedged into the crunched space to grab anything she could. This time though, she tried to get herself out after telling James to rest. The employee helped her out and she dusted herself off after gaining her footing. The employee took the cart and began his way back up to the office, leaving them to stare at the car, as most customers did, as a way of conquering the accident.  
>They stared in silence for a few minutes, Katie with tears in her eyes, although she didn't want them to see. James was a little upset and could feel his eyes watering as well. Before he could wipe them, Katie went back to the car and wiped away some of the dried mud with one of the towels she was holding to reveal her Caution K-9 magnets. Only 2 out of three were left, the one on the Driver's side was gone, most likely it fell off when the door was crushed or was ripped off during the tumble through the brush. She could check with the department of transportation to see if it was picked up but she would probably just order more since they were beat up and aged anyway.<br>Katie put a hand on her car in a gesture of saying goodbye after she peeled the final magnet from the trunk. It was time to go up to the office; where she was told her options. The car was repairable but the insurance was not going to cover the cost. However they would give her cash to buy the same car one model year newer. She let the tears fall at the news, she loved that car and didn't want to see it go but there was nothing she could do. She signed the documents and the employee wheeled the cart to Katie's awaiting rental and loaded it up. James and Carlos loaded themselves into the car as well and Katie drove them all to the academy where she dropped off all of the equipment to go through later and then to her house where they called it a day.  
>2 days later James and Logan were both called back to the studio early. Kendall and Logan had done a lot of work helping to prepare for the new season and tour and now it was time to put it all together. Katie would arrive later next week along with the rest of the cast. Her and Carlos would continue therapy in LA and would be housed together with their own nurses to assist them as they recovered.<br>"Hey, Kendall, I got your wallet." James said entering Kendall's dressing room.  
>"Sweet, thanks. I've been lost with out this. How are you feeling?" Kendall asked<br>"Not too bad, a little run down from jet leg no doubt." James replied  
>"What about Katie?"<br>"I think she's doing fine, she was complaining about pain but she wouldn't take her pain medication."  
>"That doesn't sound like her, she's not usually the stubborn one." Kendall said concerned<br>"That's your job." James teased with a smile  
>"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up." Kendall said tapping him in the side.<br>"Ahhh…" he moaned.  
>"Still a little tender? Sorry dude." Kendall apologized<br>"Its fine, it hurts more to breath deeply. Gets better each day though." James assured  
>"Good. We need to get better fast so we don't remind Katie of the accident every time she looks at us." Kendall said<br>"I don't know, its going to sting for a while. The insurance wont repair her car, even though its not totaled. She signed the papers a few days ago."  
>"Oh no… She loved that car." Kendall sighed. "There's nothing we can do now. If I had known, I'm sure I could have saved it for her."<br>"It was going to cost a few grand."  
>"Still, it would have been worth it after everything she has been through. It seems as though she cant catch a break!" Kendall said aggravated. "our co-stars arent paid nearly as much as we are and its not fair."<br>"The more popular the show gets, the more they will get paid."  
>"Not at the rate we're going. We're only on season 4 and we've been at this for nearly 6 years now. The seasons are short and fans are getting impatient. We cant do the show, the music and touring altogether in one year." Kendall started. He paused. "The highest paid kid actor who is 18, gets paid $300k per episode he does. We get $100k. Can you imagine how little our co-stars get considering they are in only 2-3 episodes out of the season?" Kendall continued. His words sunk in James's head, he didn't realize just how much they made in comparision and what the future held for everyone. Now he was really down but it was time for Kendall to get back to work.<br>"I'll catch you later, James." Kendall said walking past James and out of his dressing room.  
>"Yeah…" James replied and he went to go find Logan. Logan was outside, as usual, this time skateboarding. He was glad to see James but James' gloom was radiating off him and Logan could see it a mile away.<br>"Dude what's up?" Logan wondered  
>"Oh, sorry. Nothing major. I was just talking with Kendall." he responded<br>"How's Katie?" Logan asked  
>"Recovering nicely. She's coming out next week and her and Carlos are getting special treatment." James explained.<br>"I heard." Logan responded  
>"Oh, I got your stuff. Katie dug it out of her car a few days ago for you." James said handing over Logan's jack knife and phone.<br>"By herself?" he questioned taking the items.  
>"She was quiet the entire time. She took the initiative and started cleaning it out like no tomorrow. Carlos and I weren't sure if we should interfere, although we weren't in much better condition." James said<br>"True. That's unlike her though, she's not one for getting up and around much when she's sick or injured. It had to really bother her, seeing the car." Logan surmised  
>"It was a mangled, dirty mess. The insurance won't pay for the repairs so she had to sign the papers to have it scrapped." James explained again. Logan went quiet.<br>"Damn…that's too bad. I know how much she loved that car. Did she get everything out of it?" Logan asked  
>"I'm pretty sure. She squeezed herself into every inch of it. She even peeled off all her magnets. She gave it a spot clean too on what flat metal was left. She got to keep the keys and the transmission and ignition were both destroyed on spot." James explained<br>"At least she got to keep something from it. That and all the pictures she took of it. Thanks for bringing my stuff, James." Logan said  
>"No problem. We don't know if your phone works or not." James said<br>"I'll plug it in inside and find out. I'm going to make another lap on my board before break time is over." Logan said, inspecting the broken screen of his iphone.  
>"I'll let you get to it. I have to attend a briefing with Carlos. Catch ya, later." James waved.<p>

"NO!" James yelled. He opened his eyes and sat straight up in bed. The pain in his chest strong and concentrated. He was breathing hard and heavy as he looked around clutching his ribs in an effort to stop the pain. "Thank god, it was just a dream…I don't even remember what it was about…" he whispered to himself. He lived alone except for his dog, Fox but he was sound asleep in a cage in the corner of his room, so there was no reason to be quiet. He was drenched in a cold sweat, he couldn't stop trembling and the pain was getting worse. He decided to get up to get a drink or something in hopes of being able to calm down and get back to sleep.  
>He lost track of time in his sleepy state as he wandered around his house. His nerves hadn't quite settled yet and he was too wound up. 2 hours had passed before he made his way back to his room. He didn't bother checking the clock as he got back under the covers. He laid in bed, staring at the ceiling for what felt like only a couple minutes, just thinking. He was thinking a lot lately about everything that had happened; he remembered nothing of the rape although he managed to see himself doing it, he remembered his time in jail and now currently on his mind was all the brand new stuff, how Katie was pregnant and now her car was trashed. He really did wonder if the kids were his or not, the timing fit perfectly but there was always that chance that they weren't his.<br>"What am I thinking! Katie isn't that kind of girl" he whispered to himself. He didn't notice how light it was getting outside before he dozed off.  
>James had a housekeeper to come in a few times a week to dust and do his shopping and laundry. During breaks he could do all this stuff himself but when he was filming or on tour, he had no time. The housekeeper had her own key to the house and was from a trustworthy corporation however, James' office remained locked to avoid any leaks. She arrived later that day, assuming James would still be out of town. She had no idea he had returned, he had gone straight to bed when he got home and everything was as he and the housekeeper left it. She was shocked to find him asleep in bed. She checked her watch which read 9:23 and assumed he had the day off and continued to work elsewhere, before Fox started barking.<br>She was walking past his door with laundry when she heard his phone ring in his room.  
>"Hello…?" a sleepy James answered.<br>"Good morning, Mr. Diamond, this is your wake up call. Will you be joining us for the day's activities?" a unfamiliar voice said on the other end.  
>"Sure…" he replied confused.<br>"Seriously, James we're waiting for you at the studio, get your butt out of bed." Carlos' voice said  
>"What…?" he said sleepily.<br>"Dude, you ok?" Logan's voice took over  
>"What time is it?" James asked<br>"It's nearly 10 in the morning." Logan said  
>"10! Oh my god, I'll be there soon, I overslept!" James said in a panic before hanging up. He was always the first one at the studio so it was no wonder they were calling. They were usually at the studio for 7 but since they weren't filming it was pushed to 9. He flung back the covers and flipped open his closet only to be met with it being empty. He had nothing to wear, it had been ages since laundry was done, it was all at the studio or sitting in this bathroom hamper. He had no choice, he would dig in the hamper, to find something decent, spray it with fabreeze if he had too and make his way out. He unlocked Fox's cage door before running out of his room, Fox at his heels. His hamper was empty; he was confused momentarily before he heard water running.<br>"Amy!" he said to himself. He rebounded out of the bathroom, toppling the hamper over, nearly hitting Fox, and ran down the stairs with speed and fervor. He ran to the kitchen but doubled back to the patio door, to let Fox out. Fox left James behind as he went outside to do his business.  
>"Amy!" James yelled through his house, he flung himself around the door frame of the laundry room. "AMY!" he yelled again. Amy, was scared half to death and let out a shriek at his sudden appearance and yelling. She knocked the basket on the floor and nearly tripped over it. She quickly gained her footing and put her hand on her chest.<br>"My goodness, Mr. Diamond! You scared me!" she said  
>"I'm sorry Amy, I'm in a hurry and I'm out of clothes. I just wanted to grab something decent and be on my way. I'll have to try to remember to bring home the rest of my laundry. My closet is literally empty."<br>"You cant go to work wearing something dirty!" she scolded but in a nice way.  
>"Where's the fabreeze?" he asked seriously. She pulled it out of the closet and gave it too him as he flipped through the laundry on the floor. He grabbed a pair of jeans and a tank top before spraying the life out of them. He shook them out and got dressed in the laundry room in front of Amy. She just stood in amazement as he hurried along, hopping on one foot to put on his pants. He was completely oblivious to the fact that she was standing there and that he was parading in front of her in his underwear.<br>He ran through the kitchen and grabbed some breakfast to go, making a mess as he went. He tore through the living room and out the front door. He came back in moments later and ran upstairs to grab his backpack and left again. He came back in once more and stood in the door way.  
>"Where did I put my keys!" he said in a panic. He tried to think quickly where he might have put them after he got them. He remembered that they were in his backpack and opened up the outside pouch to grab them.<br>"Amy!" he called out.  
>"Yes Mr. Diamond?" she replied<br>"Let Fox in and put him back in his cage and sorry about the mess!" he said as he slammed the door and left for real. Amy came out just after he shut the door. She saw the mess in the kitchen and could only sigh. She saw Fox wondering just outside the door and tried to coax him in. She picked him up and brought him upstairs to his cage and continued on with her work.  
>James made his way to the studio, getting stuck in LA traffic on the way, and arrived after about 45minutes. Everyone was waiting for him, but happy to see him nonetheless. He was briefed on the day's schedule and he put his stuff down in his dressing room before preparing for the day and taking his place among his friends.<br>To make up for lost time, they worked through lunch and had an extended break instead later in the afternoon. They were tired and sore and James was still in some pain. He still hadn't quite healed, it was like he wasn't getting any better, but doing all this work surely wasn't helping. Him and Carlos both got numerous breaks as well as numerous visits from on site medical technicians to care for their injuries. James' pain just kept getting worse and he began to become short of breath, he was given extra time to recover and he went to lay down in his dressing room. He spent several minutes attended too by a technician as he writhed in pain, breathing heavily. The pain subsided enough where he fell asleep, exhausted from the pain. The technician gave him a small does of pain killers and left him to rest in quiet. 


	7. Chapter 7

_***AN* There havent been any AN's in a while but i've had nothing to say. however I do have a bit of news to share, but to avoid any spoilers, they have been included at the bottom instead. This chapter is shorter than the others but it left off in a good place. I will be writting on my computer as the days go on but might update less frequently, I feel as though I need a break. however i may surprise you. Just dont expect frequent updates is all :) ** _

James was left to rest while the others continued on without him, per technicians orders. James slept for about an hour before he woke up in another cold sweat and trembling even worse than last night. This time he remembered the dream; in this case though it was a night mare. He kept dreaming of the rape and the news he received about Katie being pregnant; he saw the car accident. Everything kept playing over and over in his head and it wouldn't quit. He kept trying to wake up from the dream but for what ever reason he couldn't. He was stuck in this nightmare and the only thing that made him wake up was seeing Katie die before his eyes.  
>The more he tried to think about it, the fuzzier his dream became. He shook it from his head although he was still shaken up. As the adrenaline lessened the pain in his chest began to poke through. James saw the bottle of pain meds on his table and grabbed it. He glanced at the label for the right dosage and swallowed them without water. He cleared his throat and laid back down and quickly fell back asleep.<p>

He was checked on at different times by staff but they were told that if he was sleeping not to bother him. They agreed on calling it quits early, there was only so much they could do with out James and Carlos was beginning to fall behind. He wasn't quite ready to get back to work just yet although he wanted to. Logan gathered his stuff and then went to wake up James.  
>"James?" he whispered into his room after knocking. James was out like a light on his couch. Logan went in and shook him but James was just dead weight. "James." he said forcefully pushing him. James didn't respond. "Dude? James. James! JAMES!" Logan yelled, beginning to panic. James wasn't breathing well at all it was barely noticeable, he put his ear to James' chest and his heartbeat was almost non-existent. He got up and ran to the door and began to yell for help.<br>Logan's voice traveled through the building and within minutes a small crowd was outside James' dressing room. The technician was on his way out and therefore was on the other side of the building. Logan had since called 911 and they both arrived at about the same time. James was technically dead for about 2 minutes but the EMT's managed to bring him back, although faint. He was stabilized for travel and admitted to the hospital were it was found he had overdosed. His stomach was pumped, but he was far from being in the clear. Now it was just a waiting game.  
>After about 2 days he woke up. He was weak, sore, and groggy. He was alone in the hospital room and he was confused as to why he was there. He didn't have too much time to think before he conked off again. The next time he woke up, Logan and Katie were by his side.<br>"Hey buddy. Good Morning" he said with a smile. James tried to respond but couldn't find the energy to speak, he also had a mask over his face.  
>"Don't try to talk. Its best if you conserve your strength. You have some recovering to do." Katie said. She had flown back the day before only to find out what happened.<br>"And some explaining." Logan added. James was alert enough to understand their conversation and was confused.  
>"Apparently, you overdosed on your pain medication. You're being held for observation and evaluation as well as being put under a suicide watch." Katie said calmly. James' was surprised at their deduction but not only could he not speak, he wasn't sure if he did have an excuse. He couldn't remember if he overdosed or not. He wasn't quite sure what they were talking about.<br>James recovered quickly although the damage had been done, he mostly suffered from oxygen deprivation and some deterioration of certain areas of tissue, muscle and a few organs from the medication but he would function like normal in the long run. He was quickly released from the hospital once he recovered and showed no signs of relapse. James was still very confused, he didn't get many visitors and those that did come were quiet, everybody thought he didn't want to live anymore and they lost hope in him, not knowing what to do. He wanted to believe that he was stronger than that and that the overdose was just an accident but he couldn't remember.  
>It was awkward at the studio, he wasn't outcast by his friends, it was the opposite, they cared deeply about him but they were just scared that he did it once already and they didn't see any signs. What could they do if he wanted to do it again? However, as the days turned into weeks and the weeks to months, it began to get more normal and once again everybody worked together with no problems. They soon finished filming and everybody was all healed up and ready for touring. Katie would be staying behind this time, she would be working with the network's marketing, planning and advertising division for another few weeks before returning home for about 6 months.<br>After heartfelt goodbyes and luck wishing Katie saw the guys off early one morning and watched as their driver took them down the highway to their first stop in Seattle, Washington. She saw their first show in LA two nights ago and it went off without a hitch. She would check in periodically on you tube for videos fans might post to see how the shows go. She got back to her work and came up with many ideas for new toys and merchandise for many of the live action shows as well as worked with the CEO and directors of the individual shows about directions to go in.  
>Soon enough her time at the studio was finished and she was shipped back home where her work was waiting for her. She dug right in and within a couple days the new classes started. All of her equipment had since been replaced and her new car was stocked, decked out in all its gear and signs, and ready to go. On the outside her car looked exactly the same, the inside was what changed. She felt she would learn to like this car because of the extra features and storage space.<br>The tour went on with no problems and the guys had a blast. Kendall was still in a splint to protect his arm during his stunts and naturally it raised questions. The buzz soon cleared and he kept it under wraps to avoid it flaring again. He didn't want to talk about it and he didn't want Katie seeing the commotion online only to bring back memories. He didn't want her to hate herself. They returned to LA, visiting the studio to get their paperwork done.  
>"When do we start filming the next season?" Carlos asked.<br>"Uh, let's see." Nate said flipping through his binder. "Possibly in January; we'll have too see, we have a few kinks to work out in the schedule. For now, you guys are free to be on your own, you have a minimum of two weeks to wind down before any interviews start."  
>"Awesome." Kendall sighed excitedly.<br>"Have you heard from Katie at all, in regards to the new season?" James asked. The guys went quiet.  
>"She went home 2 months ago, I havent heard from her since. She's probably enjoying her down time." Nate replied<br>"We'll have to ask her when we get the chance. We talked to her about a week ago, we were in the mid west and our internet access and phone service was horrible." Logan stated.  
>After they were done in the studio they said their goodbyes and went their separate ways to plan how they were going to spend their down time. Kendall planned on staying home, he would have the house to himself while his brothers were at college and his parents were on a 2nd honeymoon. Logan and Carlos both went home to visit with family. James took a plane to Barbados for a week then flew to CT to surprise Katie. There was no answer at her house. Her car wasn't there so he checked at her work, but she was on a tour of her own checking out the other branches of the academy along New England. He flew back to California disheartened, but after a few days she slipped his mind.<br>They lucked out and managed to squeeze in 3 weeks of vacation before their first interview. The interview was all about their last tour, the upcoming season and what to expect with their new music. After they answered all the questions with their rehearsed responses, the interviewer threw out her own questions starting with the basics and letting it flow from there. She had some creative questions but many were just repeats that everybody asks. Except for one that got their blood pumping.  
>"News that Katie Pryszweic would not be returning for a new season has been buzzing around the internet for about a week now." the interviewer began. The guys were surprised and confused at the statement thus far. "Since the 5 of you were so close, will it impair the show at all? How are you considering going on without her? What happened that made her quit?"<br>"What are you talking about?" Logan questioned with a puzzled look  
>"She didn't quit." James stated<br>"Yeah she's returning for season 5. Where did you get this info?" Carlos interjected  
>"I got it from AP." she replied<br>"Well it's wrong." Kendall said, pissed off but still trying to come off as nice as possible  
>"My assistant has the source, I'll show it too you." she said motioning to her assistant. Her assistant handed her an ipad and began to scroll through to show it to them when something caught her eye. "Wait a minute, what's this link?" she pointed.<br>"That's new." the assistant replied. The interviewer tapped on the link while the guys sat patiently on the couch.  
>"Oh my god…" she whispered, covering her mouth in shock. She motioned to her assistant to come closer. "I don't think they know; do they?" she whispered.<br>"I don't know" came the assistant's reply. They both looked at the awaiting boys who weren't looking too thrilled.  
>"We just found this, updated an hour ago. It comes straight from the network homepage." the interviewer said handing over the ipad. The guys were now intrigued and concerned. Kendall took the ipad and held it to the middle so they could all read together.<br>"WHAT!" Carlos and Logan said together. Kendall stood in frustration as he grabbed his head.  
>"No…No! this cant be happening!" James said as he threw his head into his hands. The commotion caused several staff members to come rushing out to aid the guys, but they refused and pushed them away. They were too upset to be bothered anymore; there were many emotions surging through them. Anger, hatred, sadness, anxiety and they had so many questions. The urgency of their personal staff members and the interviewers staff, made the members of BTR become violent and uncontrollable. The staff quickly backed off and just let them tear apart the studio. It took only a few minutes before they were all hanging on each other.<br>All the staff members were filled in by this point and just let the guys get through as much as they could. BTR staff had learned the news quickly but didn't have time to get it to the interviewer as to avoid the uproar. BTR staff called the network to let them know what happened and all future interviews were canceled until the guys were ready to deal with this. Now that it was out in the open, they were going to be surrounded with questions and comments, even on the internet. They would be ordered to shut down their twitters, face books and any other media so they could deal with everything themselves.  
>After they calmed down a little they were willing to move back stage to an area that was roped off just for them. They sat together, not a dry eye among them as they stared at their phones that displayed a prominent green box of text: 'With heartfelt condolences, our thoughts go out to the family of Katie Prysweic who passed away suddenly earlier today. Our hearts are laced with sorrow as a great person leaves this great big world well before her time. In a way to honor, Katie, we will be playing a marathon of Big Time Rush as well as her favorite shows in a week long tribute to her hard work and dedication, to her network family. We will miss Katie greatly.'<p>

_***AN* This story (alt end) is just about over. another chapter, and maybe an epi as well. **_

_**I would like to clarify that although my stories have details based on my life or stories are based on experiences, I have never been raped, nor is it a fantasy. I only wished to challenge myself and it was a homework assignment. **_

_**My car that is described, is based on my own car but I have the same car as always. I have never been in an accident or have to replace my car. I love my car although I do wish it had some extra features. **_

_**Yes, in this story my OC dies. You'll have to wait until next chapter to find out what happens. any guesses as to how/why are welcome although bear in mind there could be plot twists along the way. I have the base story worked out in my head but my creative little mind is always churning out possibilities and therefore I often just write as I go. \keep in mind that although my OC is killed off in this story, she is not gone forever. she will make a return in future stories, whether they are before or after the incident. I explained in the main story that although this is technically part of the adventure series, neither character will remember nor will any character reference the actual crime. They may joke about rape amongst themselves or talk about it seriously but it will never be referenced again in a future story. I am still in the middle of my alternate endings list so coverage of rape will be included until a new plot is written. **_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own BTR or the Nick nor do I work for either trademark. Also, i do not think light of rape, any jokes or discussions that take place are purely fictional and do not reflect the opinions or beliefs of either myself, BTR or Nick.**_


	8. Chapter 8

_***AN* There havent been any AN's in a while but i've had nothing to say. however I do have a bit of news to share, but to avoid any spoilers, they have been included at the bottom instead. This chapter is shorter than the others but it left off in a good place. I will be writting on my computer as the days go on but might update less frequently, I feel as though I need a break. however i may surprise you. Just dont expect frequent updates is all :) ** _

_***NEW AN* I am currently behind in school, and have no internet access at home. I also got a bad bruise on my tail bone so it is quite uncomfortable to sit and therefor I cant type on my computer. I have only a week left of school (YIKES!) and a week of finals so I am nearly done where I can focus more on my writing. I have only gotten more ideas in my daily life so i hope to get a majority of them written even if that means they are shorter then others. Although I will still be uploading inconsistently, I have a few things to do that I have been putting off. My dog's health is still up in the air for the moment, another week and I should know for sure what my options are. Enjoy this chapter nonetheless. :) ***_

After they calmed down and came to terms with the news they went back to the studio for answers. They were furious that something like this would be kept from them. They were given the day off but they wanted to know why.  
>"Why wouldn't you tell us first!" Carlos yelled<br>"Why would you make us continue on? Are you that interested in making money that you don't care about our feelings? We had to find out from an interviewer that our best friend was dead?" James continued  
>"What would have happened if it was one of us? Just hold a casting call and pretend that nothing happened? Would you expect us to call the new guy by a new name and force us to be the same? What the fuck is the matter with you?" Kendall questioned<br>"Don't you have any decency!" Logan said. Logan wasn't one to lose his temper but this was the straw that broke him of his silence. "Don't you have anything to say for yourself?" Logan continued. A short pause from all of them gave Nate the chance to speak.  
>"Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, I didn't catch you guys in time before you left for your appointment. I figured I would wait and tell you when you got back. I didn't know that someone from the website and scheduling team had collaborated already and announced it on the website. I also didn't know that your interviewer would bring it up."<br>"Its too fucking late for apologies." Kendall stated.  
>"Listen, you know as well as I do, that Katie would have wanted you to continue on whether she quit or was fired. Its no different in her death. I was trying to at least adhere to a wish that she had and none of you seem to remember or care."<br>"HEY! Don't you dare say we don't care. We loved her like a sister, she was FAMILY." Carlos defended.  
>"Where do you come off, man?" Logan said<br>"We already feel like shit, after finding out our best friend is dead and we weren't given any answers or reasons as to why. And now you want to insinuate that she meant nothing to us?" James began. "You will NEVER know how we feel. I'm dying inside at this news and I don't want to fucking live right now. I may have made mistakes in the past but don't ever say that I never cared. We shared a bond deeper than anyone on this planet I regret it with all my heart but I fucking loved her. When I found out that she was pregnant I felt awful but at the same time I would have stepped up and been a father to those kids. I would have been there for her, she wouldn't be raising them alone. You may think that I'm saying all this because she lost the babies and there's no threat of me having to face it but your wrong. I felt like utter crap since finding out she was pregnant and lost the babies. I haven't slept, cant eat, my mind is swirling with thoughts that wont go away; it's a never ending stress that's been eating me alive. Can you imagine how she would have felt if she new?" The others looked at him in surprise at his speech. They didn't know what to say, they had no idea he felt this way. James had nothing more to say and left the studio to be alone. Kendall was about to go after him but James denied his accompaniment. They watched as he left in pieces, saddened by his state and theirs before Nate called for their attention.  
>"Let him go, he needs some time to himself. Plus, its better if he doesn't hear the rest of what I have to say." Nate said seriously.<br>"And what's that?" Kendall questioned, somewhat impatient.  
>"Despite what you all may think, I cared about Katie and naturally I asked for any information possible. I have the folder right here of all the stuff our agents were able to gather." he started as he grabbed a folder out of his desk drawer and flopped it in front of him before sitting down. Carlos and Kendall sat in the chairs in front of his desk while Logan stood, waiting. "This folder includes reports from the hospital and police."<br>"Police? Hospital?" Carlos reiterated  
>"What the hell happened to her?" Kendall said viciously. Logan forced Kendall to stay in his seat, sensing his tension rising.<br>"To put it simply, she was in a car accident." Nate said calmly. The guys were taken aback at the news. They were just in an accident and that threw them off since Katie was such a good driver so this came as an even bigger shock. They sat in silence trying to process everything.  
>"But how? She's a good driver. I know we were just in one but that was really an accident, she was avoiding an animal." Kendall began<br>"Maybe it was the shock of getting into an accident in the first place. She was probably nervous of getting into another one." Carlos suggested  
>"But that doesn't sound like her." Logan reasoned<br>"You're right, Logan. So what do the reports say then?" Kendall continued.  
>"Well the hospital reports are pretty straight forward, she died from her injuries although they weren't all that severe. The police report is rather vague, it just describes her car, the damage and all that jazz….hmmm" Nate paused<br>"What is it?" Logan questioned, pushing for answers in his calm manner. Nate looked up from the folder to be met with 6 gazing eyes desperately searching for the answers they sought. He looked back down and sighed as he rolled over many thoughts in his mind; he wasn't sure if he should tell them what he found or not.  
>"You might as well tell us." Kendall said.<br>"We need to know what happened." Carlos said in a small voice.  
>"Well, as I read through it more, it gets a little more detailed although still vague. According to this, there were no signs of another car either on her car nor in the environment. Forensics detected traces of oil and tire tread marks but most were to her car and anything else they found were older traces from other vehicles long since past."<br>"So it was just a mechanical failure?" Logan inquired.  
>"Seems that way."<br>"That's a bit of a relief." Carlos sighed. It was still devastating that she was gone but at least he had some closure as too how it happened.  
>"No. No that cant be right." Kendall mumbled<br>"Dude?" Logan said. Shaking Kendall from his mumbling.  
>"It just doesn't add up. You both know that she took great care of that car. Sure it got dirty from time to time but she went over that thing regularly, roof to undercarriage, always making sure it was in working order before she loaded up her animals." Kendall insisted before turning to Nate. Nate was reading through the report again before he stopped and looked down at the folder.<br>"It seems there might be a page two but…" he said as he scanned the folder. It wasn't with the first page and had gotten mixed in with the other pages from the hospital. "Ah, here it is." he said as he read it in silence. A serious look over took his face as he read; he could feel them staring at him waiting to pounce for answers as soon as he looked up; instead he just handed them the page. Confused for a moment, it took them a second before Logan took the sheet of paper. He leaned against Nate's desk as he skimmed through it.  
>"What does it say?" Kendall asked.<br>"Hang on, I'm still reading it through." Came his reply. He sat silently as he skimmed it before hanging his head in disbelief. Kendall and Carlos were sure what it was about but Logan's reaction made them doubt if they really wanted to know anymore. They didn't have time to think long before Logan began to read off the paper.  
>"After seizing the vehicle, it was brought to an inspector and forensic specialist where it was determined that the vehicle was in standard working order before the impact. Hospital test results will confirm drug or alcohol inhibition." Logan read, shaky.<br>"So that's it? That doesn't tell us anything."  
>"Actually it does." Nate said. "It wasn't sabotage and the car was working fine as you yourself said that Katie makes sure. I have the test results in front of me and although there are no indications of drug or alcohol in her system the only option left is suicide."<br>"NO! She would never do that to us!"  
>"Kendall…"<br>"I'm not going to sit here and let you trash my best friend." he said as he stood up. He walked to the door but turned around to face Carlos and Logan who were both at a loss for words. "I cant believe you guys would believe this. She was too strong and too happy to go that low."  
>"That was around us, who knows how she felt when we weren't around, Kendall." Logan tried to persuade.<br>"We were her only friends. All of her friends back home left her and abandoned her when she got hired by the network." Carlos added. Kendall and Logan both turned to him. Carlos knew more about Katie than anyone. He was great at keeping secrets and at times was everyone's personal therapist if the network therapist wasn't available. Kendall had no idea that she had no friends back home, it always seemed that she was mildly popular. "She was so willing to help us out, but when we weren't around she had no one to go to. Can you imagine how lonely it must be?" Carlos continued. Kendall stayed silent for a while. Nate finally spoke up.  
>"I know this isn't what you guys want to hear, and neither do I. As strong as she was on the outside, all happy go lucky and free spirited, inside she was breaking into a million pieces. Further testing revealed depression indications." He paused as he saw them all looking at the floor. Logan wiped his eyes, not caring who saw. "I know right now isn't the best time for this, but just listen up for your instructions. You can take off all the time you need, and have free will to come and go as you please. The network family has been invited to the funeral and we all plan to attend. Each person gets the chance to say a little something so prepare what you like, there are no restrictions. In light of this, you all still need to be respectful of paparazzi until you can be bought out of your contracts and attend buy-out meetings. Do not ignore questions, instead just change the subject or decline. For now, you are all free to go. Take care of yourselves and my door is always open."<br>They left without a word and nearly missed a broken down James just outside the door on the floor. He had come back after cooling off and caught the discussion half way through. He had stood outside the door and listened to what Nate had to say and his eyes filled with tears as they discussed the accident. At the word suicide he began to break down, eventually sliding down to his knees on the floor as the evidence piled up as they spoke. All he could think was that it was his fault somehow.  
>Kendall and Logan picked up James and dragged him off to his dressing room too cool down. They all talked as friends and called Katie's parents to not only express their condolences but to offer support and help. They were welcomed with open arms and gratitude by her parents. They had no grudge against any of them, neither knew of the rough patch the group had gone through.<br>The four of them went home for the day and packed up a few things to make their journey to CT. Kendall's brothers and his friend Dustin came along. They weren't as close to Katie as BTR was but they still spent a lot of time with her and wanted to pay their respects and be there for Kendall. Carlos' family came along with Carlos; they were pretty close, she was considered part of the family. James' parents wanted to come along but James denied for fear that something would slip and the relationship they had with Katie's parents would be finished. Her parents were the only link he had with her at this point. Saddened, but understanding, they stayed behind and said goodbye to James as they saw him off. The guys all caught different flights and met up again in CT in about a day. They all arrived a couple days before the funeral to help finalize and plan the funeral.  
>Although Katie was an average girl, she would have more than the recommended four bearers for her casket. Her father and BTR would be 5, a sixth is undecided. It was a normal funeral, since her death was unexpected, naturally there was little planning involved before hand. The network made a donation towards her funeral and therefore all the basics were upgraded to the biggest and best available in order to give her the best send off. Her dog Shadow was one of the firsts guests on the list, he would be by her side through the entire ceremony.<br>The day had come to say their goodbyes. It was a beautiful day outside, few clouds in the sky and nice and warm. Unusual for this time of year, mid March, even for CT. There wasn't a dry eye or smile among the guests; the entire network family was there as well as Katie's own family and friends. Her friends from the network greatly out numbered friends at home, as expected. Many were asked to leave for trying to get autographs or pictures of all the stars that had arrived. The stars were seen entering the facility and shortly, a crowd had begun to appear outside and try to make their way in. They were all amazed at the audacity of these people who had no respect for Katie.  
>Shadow walked and waited silently next to Katie as she was moved and mourned over. He was lively because he knew she was there and just thought she was sleeping. He was often depressed when she left for more than a week, so after 2 years, she began to take him to LA with her until he could no longer fare the trip due to aging and a slight decline in his health. He would often growl or bark at the mourners if they tried to touch her, he thought she was sleeping and he had always prevented anyway trying to wake her. He was eventually removed to avoid and accident but not without a fight.<br>He refused to leave and began to howl before spinning around, facing Katie's casket. His barks and howls pulled at everyone's heart, it was clear as day that Shadow did not want to leave and was pleading with Katie to wake up and help him. Once he got louder, they realized that Shadow learned that she was gone and would never wake up. They were inseparable and were now being forced apart forever. It was silent in the room as everyone listened to Shadow's outburst and realized themselves all to early that nothing would be the same. 

_***AN* This story (alt end) is just about over. another chapter, and maybe an epi as well. **_

_**I would like to clarify that although my stories have details based on my life or stories are based on experiences, I have never been raped, nor is it a fantasy. I only wished to challenge myself and it was a homework assignment. **_

_**My car that is described, is based on my own car but I have the same car as always. I have never been in an accident or have to replace my car. I love my car although I do wish it had some extra features. **_

_**Yes, in this story my OC dies. You'll have to wait until next chapter to find out what happens. any guesses as to how/why are welcome although bear in mind there could be plot twists along the way. I have the base story worked out in my head but my creative little mind is always churning out possibilities and therefore I often just write as I go. \keep in mind that although my OC is killed off in this story, she is not gone forever. she will make a return in future stories, whether they are before or after the incident. I explained in the main story that although this is technically part of the adventure series, neither character will remember nor will any character reference the actual crime. They may joke about rape amongst themselves or talk about it seriously but it will never be referenced again in a future story. I am still in the middle of my alternate endings list so coverage of rape will be included until a new plot is written. **_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own BTR or the Nick nor do I work for either trademark. Also, i do not think light of rape, any jokes or discussions that take place are purely fictional and do not reflect the opinions or beliefs of either myself, BTR or Nick.**_


	9. Chapter 9

_***AN* There havent been any AN's in a while but i've had nothing to say. however I do have a bit of news to share, but to avoid any spoilers, they have been included at the bottom instead. This chapter is shorter than the others but it left off in a good place. I will be writting on my computer as the days go on but might update less frequently, I feel as though I need a break. however i may surprise you. Just dont expect frequent updates is all :) ** _

_***NEW AN* I am currently behind in school, and have no internet access at home. I also got a bad bruise on my tail bone so it is quite uncomfortable to sit and therefor I cant type on my computer. I have only a week left of school (YIKES!) and a week of finals so I am nearly done where I can focus more on my writing. I have only gotten more ideas in my daily life so i hope to get a majority of them written even if that means they are shorter then others. Although I will still be uploading inconsistently, I have a few things to do that I have been putting off. My dog's health is still up in the air for the moment, another week and I should know for sure what my options are. Enjoy this chapter nonetheless. :) ***_

It was a quiet ride to the next stop where they would all be giving their own words before saying a final goodbye. One by one each network star made their way up to the podium and said what they could. Although the network girls spent the most time together with Katie, second only to BTR, no one was as close. Katie was in a different class than the others, lower actually. Katie put herself in that class to avoid bringing down the others who she believed had talent. There was no convincing her otherwise.  
>Because of the sheer number of stars willing to give a speech, there had to be a short break. Her parents were extremely pleased with the turn out and the kind words. They had no idea what went on behind the scenes when shooting, she went back and forth on her own, had little time to call home and was limited to what she could say or do on her own cameras due to her contract. Other family members that had shown up were extremely surprised at everything, they were often seen belittling Katie because she was the youngest, and for many other reasons. They were put in their places at today's events and it made those who truly loved Katie, proud.<br>After the break, BTR were next. They had the longest speeches of everyone, since they spent the most time with her and therefore were given their own slot. Carlos went first, he cried through most of his speech but his word got across and had no problem showing his feelings.  
>"Katie was my best friend; we shared everything and were soul mates in a way. I was the closest friend she had and I made sure that I didn't mess that up. When I first met her, I could see it in her eyes, that she could really use a friend. Someone who would never let her down and be there for her. She needed someone who could help her unpack and throw away all her troubles and everything that bothered her. And I was more than willing to be that person. We got real close, pretty quickly and we enjoyed each others company. We made each other laugh and had a great time everyday. Sure we got on each others nerves now and then but it was just like sibling stuff. When you're with someone for 12 hours or more a day, for months, anyone and everyone will get on your nerves. We never fought otherwise we were just like family; ask my brothers she was their, and my, adopted sister. I remember the time when I had to pick Katie up, because her car had to be fixed. I had never been to the section of LA she lived in and it didn't look all that bad but her apartment was disgusting. I knew that obviously our costars were paid less but I had been to Jo's apartment in the city and Camille's apartment at the palm woods and it was way more livable than the dump Katie was living in. Come to find out, she was sending all her money home, keeping just enough to live on and pay the cheapest rent she could find. She was saving her money not only for college but helping her parents pay their own bills. She was always one to care about others but I knew that this was too much; she came to live with me and I treated her like a princess the way she deserved. She needed to be cared for, as a change. I loved my adopted sister and I'm going to miss her so much." Carlos choked out before he began to let the tears roll again. He wiped his eyes before making his way down the stairs to the waiting arms of his buds. Kendall went up next after a few comforting gestures and pats from his friends and brothers.<br>"I want to start from the beginning with Katie so hear me out if you would. I'm going to be honest with you, I didn't think Katie and I would get along when I first met her. She was shy, quiet and not overly outgoing. I didn't realize that she would soon open up into the motivated fireball we all grew to love. Her love and passion for animals amazed me to no end. I myself love animals but no where near the level that she did. She was the spokesperson, an advocate of animals. She spoke and cared for those who needed her most. That's all she ever wanted, was to be loved and be needed and its what she got. But she deserved more. Her knowledge of the animal world far exceeded anyone I have ever known, I feel that I can speak for many of my co-workers when I say that even though the internet is right in front of us, I felt confident that my pets were in great hands if they needed a check-up. I wouldn't think twice about sending my animals to the vet don't get me wrong, but she saved me not only money but she saved precious seconds for my pets. She could identify and treat minor things quickly and knew at a glance if something was out of the ordinary. I nearly had to give up my newest addition, a companion for my dog Sissy, Yuma. Sissy did not like Yuma and I was faced with having to put Yuma up for adoption. But with only 3 sessions with Sissy, they both became fast friends and now Yuma and Sissy play along like litter mates. She saved Carlos' dog, Sydney once too, she didn't eat all of her supper and just wanted to lay down. Carlos was ready to call it a day but Katie saved her life by identifying Sydney with having bloat, a deadly condition in large breeds that causes torsion in the stomach. Her knowledge didn't stop there, she knew cats and horses too. We had so many horses on set during our careers and she made sure the horses were well cared for and helped us get accustomed to riding them when we had to. She made our lives easier and more efficient with her vast knowledge and love for our animal friends." Kendall paused as the tears started to fall slowly down his face. "That's what I'll miss the most. The smile on her face when she cared for an animal that needed her made me so happy. It showed her as a kind and compassionate person that this world needs more of. I know I have my work cut out for me and I have some big shoes to fill but I sincerely hope to one day follow in her footsteps and carry on her mission to be the voice of the animals that we share our lives with and who need us more than ever." Kendall made his way to his seat, patting Logan to signal his turn. Logan got up with confidence immediately and made his way to the podium calm and collected, like always.  
>"It took me a while to get to know Katie. She was definitely shy but it was only because she felt like she didn't feel as though she belonged. Sure she was offered the position but she deserved it, she was talented. I'm glad she accepted, we had the time of our lives, one of her favorite songs by the way. You know, I wasn't sure at times if we would hit it off like we did. Unlike Carlos I don't have the gift to see the inner personality of a person but that didn't stop me, I wanted to make her feel welcome and together we all got her out of her shell and she grew into the talented star we all know and loved. Personality wise we connected but there were areas that we didn't connect such as being active. She was a couch potato and liked her video games, books, and the arts. She loved the arts; during her breaks she would be in her dressing room reading or drawing something. She would also write a lot too. She was quite creative, the ideas she put down on paper never seized to amaze me. Although I liked to be outside a lot and play basketball or skateboard, Katie liked to be outside as well although for other reasons. She preferred slower paced activities such as hiking or a casual swim. She introduced us to this one activity called Geocaching. It was a treasure hunt mixed with hiking and exploring. You had to follow directions and solve riddles and puzzles to find the cache. When you found it, you took a treasure and replaced it with something of your own. That's what I liked about Katie; she enjoyed the smallest things in life. She was easily entertained but in a good way. She always made us smile and could calm us down when we were stressed out." Logan paused looking down at his paper and sighed. "I'm going to miss seeing her smile, seeing her laugh. I'll miss her cooking; that girl knew how to cook. I'll always cherish the memories I had, that we all had together with her. Even as I speak, her bright blue eyes and vibrant smile are flashing in my mind. She was gone way too soon but I know she'll always be here in spirit as she watches us from above." Logan finished as he looked up to the ceiling and then to the crowd. He seemed to be as strong as ever but as he turned to return to his seat it was hard to miss the streaks left from a trail of tears going down his face. He sat down solemnly and breathed deeply before putting his head in his hands as he bent over and rested his elbows on his knees. Kendall pat him on the back as he shared the grief. James was already unstable and had been crying the most of everyone. Logan's display of emotion made James feel scared to say his speech. Carlos urged him to go up but he still refused.<br>"You can do this James. Do it for Katie." Carlos pleaded. James just looked at him; Carlos' eyes were speaking volumes. James couldn't get up even if he wanted to, he felt weak and light headed suddenly probably because he was nervous. He looked up at the empty podium that was waiting for him and then to his buds. His look of fear was replaced with confidence and a quick slap on the back from Carlos gave him the extra boost he needed to get up. He walked quickly to the podium but took his time before speaking; he rustled his papers, adjusted the mic, cleared his throat and looked out into the waiting audience.  
>"I don't have all that much to say about Katie, but at the same time its limitless. So much has already been said and I wouldn't want to bore anyone by repeating it all, although she never bored me. When I first met her, I put on my best act and greeted her like I would a fan but I really wasn't sure how we were going to get along. Something about her made me question whether or not she was right for the show; I never thought we would become inseparable. The time we spent together wasn't long enough, not just as a group but as our personal relationship. I'm talking about how I wasted time, trying to avoid her in the beginning. I sensed her anxiety and took it as unwillingness to be with the network. I didn't take it that she just need a friend and I regret that with all my heart. Our bond didn't grow much, if at all until about 3 years ago when we went on tour together. We were spending so much time together I finally realized just how fun she was to be around; how cool and how smart she was. Although we were different she had a way about her that made her easy to connect with, whether it was common interests, jokes, or just personal problems." he sighed. "She was great. She was creative, kind, honest, compassionate, smart, an amazing cook, a great actor and dancer. She could sing too but she wasn't too keen on a singer career, though she trudged through as per her contract. There isn't enough time in the day for me to list off all her great qualities or what I am going to miss the most about her. But there is one thing I want to share. The more I talk, the more I realize what I think and feel. Katie and I shared a deeper bond than most friends and it was pure accident. I don't want to go into details, I'm not ready to share it just yet and I'm pretty sure Katie wouldn't want me to share it just yet either. Think what you want but despite what happened, we made it work. Our bond took the ultimate test and passed with flying colors after some turbulence." He paused as he stared out into the crowd. It was quiet and he had everyone's full attention. He glanced at his buds and their concerned looks on their faces. The silence caught up with him and he looked back down at his paper. "I…I can't…" He struggled. "I can't do this." He walked away from the podium for a moment to collect himself before he returned. "I'm tired of hiding and covering up what happened. I'm tired of the lies and I just want to let it all out. I know what my friends are thinking and they don't want me to do this but I just need you guys to trust me on this, ok? I don't want it to end like this. I really hope everyone will give me the chance and just hear me out with what I have to say. 2 years ago, on tour I came back to the bus after a run to try to tire myself out. But to no avail, my last ditch effort to get sleepy is to have a beer before I sleep. I got some from a fan, it was my favorite but apparently, she was underage and didn't know the differences between beers. She got me a bootleg beer that was actually a hard liquor. It turned me into an aggressive repugnant monster. I wont go into details but it involved Katie and although I have no memory of what happened it sickens me to think that I could do something so low. I served my time and deserved every minute of it. I just wanted Katie to thrive in life, I didn't want what happened between us to hold her back. And she didn't, she became the star we all knew she could be. When I was released, she welcomed me with open arms. I was reluctant I didn't want to be forgiven but her big heart and kind soul saw the good in me despite what happened. It took a while for everything to be relatively normal as it was before she passed away and I wish I had more time. As many of you know, we were all in a car accident a year ago and none of us were seriously hurt or so we thought. My actions caused Katie to bear an even bigger burden. She was pregnant, with twins. She lost the babies in the accident and I was devastated. She didn't know that she was even pregnant, the doctors said that with her pre-existing condition, that had yet to right itself, covered up any signs she might have had. She was also a near inhospitable host, but if we had known that she was pregnant she could have gotten help to make it hospitable. I just couldn't believe that she was pregnant, it just brought back all the memories of what I pictured happened that night. If I had found out earlier, believe me I would have stepped up and been a father to them, they were after all my children. I know many of you probably think that I am just saying that but its true. I'm glad Katie didn't know she was pregnant though, I felt like shit and that I was completely useless. I couldn't imagine the torture she would have went through if she knew she was pregnant and that she lost the babies." James began to sob out his words as he lost the struggle to hold back the tears. "We got along so great, in fact almost even better than ever. I just wish that I knew what was going on in her head so I could have told her how I felt sooner." He reached into his pocket. "I wanted to tell her that I loved her, that I would do anything for her, and that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. That's right, I was going to propose to her. I was going to do it on set, I worked closely with the script writer and the director, no one else knew my plans only the three of us. We used a secret code so that even at the table read no one would know. Then during the shoot, on my cue I was going to be on one knee and propose, cameras rolling….But I never got the chance…I never got the chance to even say goodbye… I know she's up there somewhere looking down on me, on all of us. I hope she knows that we all love her and miss her and that she was gone way too soon. I love you Katie, remember that, because I'll see you again one day." He said to the ceiling and then to the casket before touching it one last time. He returned to his seat, weak in the legs and nervous of what would happen now.<p>

_***AN* This story (alt end) is just about over. another chapter, and maybe an epi as well. **_

_**I would like to clarify that although my stories have details based on my life or stories are based on experiences, I have never been raped, nor is it a fantasy. I only wished to challenge myself and it was a homework assignment. **_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own BTR or the Nick nor do I work for either trademark. Also, i do not think light of rape, any jokes or discussions that take place are purely fictional and do not reflect the opinions or beliefs of either myself, BTR or Nick.**_


	10. Chapter 10

"James, we need to get some groceries. We're running low on some household supplies." Katie said walking into the living room. James was relaxing on the couch reading a fitness magazine.  
>"Sure, just make a list for Amy. She'll get anything you need." He said with a smile as he looked up at her.<br>"You sure she won't mind?" she asked.  
>"Not at all. You need to learn to take it easy." He said moving to a sitting position.<br>"Shadow come back! Play with me!" a voice said. Shadow came trotting down the hall to Katie. A small boy chasing after him.  
>"Kenny! What did I tell you about chasing Shadow? He is not a toy!" Katie scolded as she pet Shadow reassuringly. Shadow was not a fan of kids but would only bite as a last resort.<br>"Yes, mommy. I'm sorry." Kenny replied.  
>"You have all kinds of toys that daddy bought you to play with instead." she said<br>"But I don't want to play with any of them." he replied  
>"Then play with your sister, maybe the two of you can have a tea party. Maybe I can bring up a few cookies for you two to share. How does that sound?" Katie said bending to Kenny's level<br>"Yay!" came his reply and he ran upstairs yelling the good news.  
>"You make such a great mommy." James said, wrapping his arms around Katie from behind. Shadow became possessive and barked at him before giving him a warning snap. Shadow didn't like to share. James apologized to Shadow and Shadow wagged his tail triumphantly before walking to him for pets. Katie went out to the kitchen and grabbed a small plate of cookies and 2 small glasses of milk.<br>"James, can you help me bring up the food for the kids?"  
>"Sure." he said. Shadow watched him go then followed when he saw Katie with a plate. James grabbed the milk and Katie grabbed the cookies and some water for themselves.<br>"Mommy, can you and daddy play tea party too?" Jayme asked them as they walked in.  
>"Absolutely! I love playing tea party." James said enthusiastically. He sat the cups of milk down in front of them and Katie followed with the cookies. They both sat in the tiny chairs and enjoyed their time together. A yawn from Jayme signaled that it was time for a nap.<br>"Uh-oh I think its time for a nap." Katie said.  
>"I could go for one." James said as he yawned. He got up from the tiny chair but got stuck and got a cramp and fell off the chair. He quickly got up to his feet and picked up his daughter and put her in her bed across the room. He tucked her in and gave her a kiss on the forehead and she was out like a light. Katie was cleaning up the mess from the tea party but James took over. Katie brought Kenny to his room and tucked him in gently since he had already fallen asleep. She went back to Jayme's room and grabbed the dishes from James as he wiped the table and then followed her downstairs. She quickly washed the dishes and put them away before returning to the living room only to find it empty. The patio door was open and as she peeked around the bend of the wall she saw James standing by the railing looking out to the beach. She walked up next to him and looked out with him as the breeze blew through their hair. He pulled her into a hug and she fell into his chest. She could hear his heart beating, it was hypnotizing.<br>"I love you." he told her.  
>"I love you too." she replied.<br>"I'm really glad I had the guts to ask you to marry me and I'm even happier that you said yes. We have a beautiful family, a great life, a big house. What more could anyone ask for?" He said.  
>"I know. Its beautiful. Thanks for believing in me. I couldn't ask for more." She responded.<br>"Once the kids wake up from their nap, why don't we take a short trip to the beach? You, me, the kids and the dogs." he said  
>"I would love too." She said. She pulled away from him to look at him.<br>"What is it?" He asked  
>"Could you do something for me?" she asked<br>"Anything." he replied  
>"Wake up for me." she stated<br>"Huh?" he said confused  
>"Wake up." she repeated. "Wake up, James." Her voice began to fade and was replaced with another voice, a voice that was familiar but it wasn't Katie's. he looked around and his world began to fade to nothing. He looked back at Katie whose figure was getting blurry.<br>"Katie! Don't leave me!" He yelled, reaching out to her. The familiar voice kept calling out to him but he ignored it to chase after Katie who kept getting farther away. "No! KATIE!" He called again he made a last attempt to reach her but she faded away and he was left in the dark. He felt a tremor and mumbling but he was too lost, scared and confused to concentrate and sat down in fear as he cried.  
>"James!" Logan called out as he shook his shoulders. Kendall came back with a cup of water from the cooler, Logan wasted no time in swiping it from him and splashing it in James' face. James was moving and talking but he wasn't waking up. "Dammit James, stay with me! Wake up dammit!" he said this time he slapped him in the face. It took a few seconds but it did the trick. James' eyes shot open and he looked around in a panic. Several people were standing over him. He was on the floor of the funeral parlor. He raised a hand to his head and groaned.<br>'Dude, you alright?" Carlos asked concerned.  
>"Yeah…I think so….What happened?" he questioned.<br>"You fainted." Kendall said calmly.  
>"I did? Where are we?"<br>"We're at the funeral parlor. And yes you fainted, you came down the stairs and were right in front of your chair when you just went down with no warning." Katie's mom said.  
>"You've been out for a while. You weren't responding at first but then I guess you were dreaming. You kept mumbling and then you began yelling." Kendall said.<br>"What were you dreaming about?" Logan wondered.  
>"I- I don't know…I cant remember….'James said as he trailed off. After being persuaded by his friends he was taken to the hospital to get checked out. His tests came back normal and there was no sign of a concussion despite falling hard, but he was kept overnight for observation. The remainder of the funeral continued on without James but it was recorded for him. As soon as he was discharged the next morning, he was promised that he would be taken to her freshly buried grave. He lay back and sighed in defeat before a few tears squeezed out and he fell asleep.<br>He woke up a few hours later. It was dark and he couldn't quite tell where he was, things weren't all that clear in his head either. He felt tired and weak and as much as he tried to stay awake, his head rolled over to the pillow and he fell back asleep. As he slept he began to dream; dream of all kinds of things, being home with friends and family, working out, being on set, normal stuff. It was until he started dreaming of the car accident they were all in. But when the car crashed in his dream he closed his eyes and when he opened them he was in the dark. Once he gained his senses he realized where he was; he was in the dance hall.  
>He found it a little weird although it was one of his favorite places to be. He had a lot of fond memories here, this is where they all had fun when dancing aside from the rush from being on stage of course. The set was fun too but this was like the sanctuary for all of them; Katie joined them often and danced along. It was a great way to burn off some steam. The hall was a little different then he remembered though, something didn't seem right but he shrugged it off. He looked around and he was alone. He decided to get a little work out and began to stretch out. When he finished he looked around for the stereo to play the tracks but it was gone. He sighed and just began dancing on his own although it was very difficult without the rhythm, he kept messing up. He was concentrating on his moves that he didn't notice he was being watched until they spoke.<br>"Working hard I see." A familiar voice said. He turned to look. It was Katie. She was leaning in the door way, legs and arms crossed as she watched with a sly smile. James just looked at her dumbfounded. "What's the matter?"  
>"I don't know. Nothing I guess. Something just feels different but I cant figure out what." he replied.<br>"I see. Then I guess now wouldn't be the time to have a discussion then?" she stated  
>"Discussion? About what?" He asked.<br>"Well for starters, I'm pretty sure I could answer some of your questions." she replied. James raised an eyebrow to show his confusion. She sighed and pushed off from the door frame and walked over to him. "You're dreaming, James, that's why everything looks and feels different. It's also why you are here. You're subconscious is creating a scene for you based on your inner most thoughts and feelings. You'd be surprised at just how complex dreaming and the mind are. The only thing that is 'real' in a sense is me. You've been calling for me for the longest time and now I'm here."  
>"What? What are you talking about."<br>"Listen, when you dream, no matter what your subconscious is trying to tell you, everything is fake. I am real. James, I am Katie, I'm just in a spirit form now. Don't you remember that I died?"  
>"Yes, I remember. I just wish it wasn't true. But if what your saying is true then why? Why did you leave me? Why didn't you tell me or any of us that you needed help? Why!" James said loudly. "Don't try to deny it either, I read the police report; your car was in perfect working order and there was no evidence of another car."<br>Katie hung her head low. "I don't have a reason. I do want to say that I am sorry. It was a difficult decision but I had no choice. You don't know what I was going through…"  
>"I have a good idea. You didn't know this but you were pregnant."<br>"I know. I learned all the secrets and plans behind my life once I passed on. Which is why I am granted to be here now. My work is yet to be completed."  
>"What do you have to do?"<br>"For one I have to apologize to the person I hurt the most."  
>"Who is that."<br>"Its you, James. Do you remember that dream you had a while ago? The one when you fainted?"  
>"of course I do. Or at least I do now. I couldn't remember it when I woke up."<br>"Well, that's why you fainted, to have that dream. I was trying to contact you but it didn't work as I thought."  
>"You couldn't have waited until I was sleeping? Falling to the hard wood floor kinda hurt…" he said as he rubbed the back of his head and neck.<br>"Sorry about that. At least I have you now. I was sent to you based on your words at my funeral."  
>"You were watching?"<br>"Of course. A few people were actually like the spirits of my own family as well as some passer by who like to watch what goes on. As soon as I saw it I was given my mission to visit you as soon as I could. I had to protect you from going down the wrong path." she said. James just stood in silence he knew full well what she was talking about. As his feelings bubbled to the surface, so did his desire to be with her. "I love you too, James. But please, live your life here on earth first, don't rush through and miss everything your life has to offer. One day, you'll join me and we can live together for eternity, but that day isn't now."  
>"You don't understand, I don't love you based off guilt, I truly love you and I don't want you to leave me."<br>"I'll always be watching over you and the others. I'll watch you progress through life and reach your biggest dreams. I'll always be with you; in your heart, in your mind and in your eyes. I must go know, my time is up. Live on James and never forget me." She said as her voice faded.  
>"No, Katie please don't go! Its not enough for you to be in my thoughts, I want to hold you, I want everything to go back to the way it was." he pleaded. Katie no longer spoke and her figure began to fade away in the distance. "At least tell me that you will visit me again?" he asked. She couldn't speak anymore and she was nearly gone but she flashed him a smile before she disappeared completely. He ran to the door to chase her but the dance hall was disappearing as well. The floor gave way underneath him and he began to fall into a pit of black.<br>He awoke in a fit as his body jolted him awake from his dream fall. he shot up in bed and yelled out her name. He sat breathless for a second before he took short slow breaths and looked around. A nurse came in quickly after his outburst, concerned he was in pain. She saw him upright and the look of shock on his face and he didn't respond to her. She turned on the light, temporarily blinding him.  
>"James, are you ok?" she asked.<br>"…Yeah…it was just a bad dream…." he breathed.  
>"I see. It's alright, you should try to go back to sleep, it's late." she encouraged. He slid back down under the covers and the nurse pulled the covers over him as he got comfortable. He quickly fell back asleep and the nurse left.<br>The next morning, James was released with a clean bill of health. Kendall was waiting for him in the lobby and both of them headed to Katie's house where they would stay for a few days until James could travel back to LA. Once there, they would be in meetings for several days to discuss their contracts, their wants and ideas as well as where to go now. 

*AN* I'm not too proud of some of this chapter. I like the beginning but as far as the 'spirit talk' and supernatural stuff I added, it doesnt really fit in this story to me. it belongs in another story. but at least I gave it a shot, always good to try new things and challenge yourself.


	11. Chapter 11

Back in LA for only an hour, they already had a car waiting for them to take them to the network headquarters. They spent the rest of the day in meetings and were clear that they needed a memorial episode as well as some sort of write off that was tasteful. They didn't want it that she failed as a star or she was forced back home. They wanted it to be a serious episode too, some humor but no sound effects and of course dedicated to her. The meetings went quicker than expected and production in the studios ceased for 2 days to allow for everyone to just have some time to themselves. BTR was given an extended recess and the upcoming tour was cancelled for the first few cities.

Mail had been flowing in from fans, condolences from all ages as well as numerous pictures, scrapbooks, bracelets and memoirs filled the bag. Everything related to Katie was forwarded to her parents including her office work. Binders full of her ideas and campaigns were sent as well. The academy she worked at fell apart without her presence. She worked her way up to be a co-owner and was going to receive full ownership once the head master retired. He taught her everything she new but without her the school wouldn't have been what it was today. Enrollment nearly quadrupled in the 10 years she worked there and the school was in the process of being accredited. With no one to turn too, the head master would have no choice but to close down the academy after this year.

BTR continued to gain fans all across the world, they continued with great success for 5 more seasons of the show before the ideas ran thin. However they continued to make music and tour all across the world. On the anniversary of her death a memoir episode was created. The guys were in their early 30's when they decided to call it quits and focus on their own lives. They Logan and Kendall took smaller acting-only jobs. Kendall and Dustin occasionally made songs and performed for local bars but ultimately went their own ways. Carlos went back home to Florida and went to school and focused on his new found career of being a chef and then opened his own restaurant. James tried numerous times to get into a committed relationship but he could never keep one for longer than a few months.

He lost his trust and his ability to love anyone else after Katie died. He spent much of his time alone once BTR ended. He had many jobs and only made enough to make ends meet. He couldn't afford to care for Fox and had to give him up for adoption. He was heartbroken and alone and he didn't know how to deal with it. The guys kept in contact often and would get together as often as possible. In an effort to get a meet-up together, Kendall, Logan and Carlos all tried to get a hold of James but there was no response. It wasn't out of the ordinary, James developed depression that was set off by certain factors and was difficult to treat with any medication that was on the market.

Kendall and Logan stopped by James place and knocked on the door but he didn't answer. His windows were open and the TV was on but when they tried the door it was locked. They made their way around the small house and saw Fox's old dog door. Logan grabbed a sturdy branch and gave it to Kendall who got on the ground and stuck his arm through the door. After a few minutes they heard a click and the back door was unlocked. They made their way inside and the house looked lived in, but way too lived in for James' taste. As hey made their way through the house an odor became apparent. It was light at first, due to the windows being open, the house was well aired out. The smell became stronger as they approached his bedroom. It was a pungent smell and they had a clue what it was but they really hoped they were wrong. They stood outside James' bedroom door and knocked hoping he would answer. When he didn't they looked at each other for support and took a moment before opening the door to reveal their worst nightmare.

The lights were off and the room was dark even though it was daytime. There was just enough light seeping through to show there was a lifeless body haphazardly strewn on the bed. The evidence stared them in the face that James was dead but they still shrugged it off as if he was sleeping. Kendall went forward and put a hand on his shoulder and shook James. Logan didn't want to face reality either but it was getting harder to ignore it. He called Kendall softly and it was enough to get him to stop. Kendall stood at James bedside silently as he looked down at the shadowy figure. He really wished it wasn't him but he knew it was, he didn't want to turn on the light to double check. He was a swirl of emotions ranging from sad to frustrated. Logan coaxed Kendall out and they sat in the kitchen as Logan called the police.

The police and crime scene investigators arrived in about 20 minutes. The commotion gathered a small crowd on the normally quiet street. They both lead the investigators to his room which was still dark. An officer flipped the switch to reveal the crime scene. Logan and Kendall both looked away in horror before they were forced out by investigators They were brought outside just as Carlos arrived. Kendall had texted him telling him they were heading to James house and to probably meet them there. Needless to say Carlos wasn't thrilled with the sight. He didn't want to know but he asked anyway and rushed inside after he learned the news. Almost immediately he was forced back out and barely caught a glimpse of what was happening. They sat outside as the investigators did their work. They didn't have much time to think or talk to one another though, many questions were thrown at them as part of being witnesses and at the moment suspects. An officer told them it appeared to be a suicide but until everything was sent to the lab and processed they couldn't say for certain. Needless to say they all lost their temper a little bit at the thought of being accused and being told their best friend had killed himself. A forensic team member came out and showed them a letter found on the bed with James. It had already been sealed in a plastic bag. Logan asked to read it and the investigator handed it over.

"Dear Logan, Kendall, Carlos or whoever finds this, I'm sorry you found me this way but please know I wasn't depressed or anything. After 10 years of being so alone and relationship turmoil, its clear to me that Katie is the only one for me. I never wanted to forget her but I tried doing her the one favor by living on without her despite my feelings but I just couldn't do it. All these girls loved me for my fame and fortune, but Katie loved me for who I was inside. I leave this world satisfied with my life except for the fact of disappointing my friends and family as well as my fans. I loved BTR but I loved Katie more. I don't want her to wait anymore. I've thought this over for a long time so please don't be mad. Instead do as we did with Katie and remember the great times we had together. Live on and enjoy your lives, and one day we'll all meet again in the distant future. With Brotherly Love, James Diamond"

"Well, he got his wish…" Carlos said. They all had tears flowing and couldn't speak. The investigator took the letter back.

"When this is all done, can we get that back?" Kendall asked.

"Sure." the investigator replied. "You will all have to come down to the station for further questioning. We are just about done here anyway." the officer said.

They stood in silence at his words and just awaited orders but the officer wasnt paying attention. They looked to see what he was looking at and they saw the infamous body bag being rolled out on a stretcher. Logan turned away and Carlos just cried harder. Kendall stood and stared at James lifeless body being rolled to the medical truck. He was waiting for James to pop out and say it was all a joke. But he didn't. The image of James kept playing in their heads for the rest of the day as officers asked more questions. When they were finally released they spent the night together at Kendall's house where his family waited in silence as they just crashed in the living room.

The news had spread quickly and when the turned on the TV it was all they saw. Luckily it wasn't released as James' body and instead was listed as a local find. There were traces of the guys on TV but they were all quick and hard to make out even on pause. Kendall threw the remote in frustration and grabbed his hair. His family didn't know what to do. His mom offered food but they declined. They stayed in the living room all night as they stayed wide awake. Anytime they started to fall asleep, all they could see was the blood splattered walls above James. His bed was bright red, stained with his blood as it pooled in the center, some even made its way to the floor. That was all that they saw before they turned away, well except for Kendall. He saw the most and it showed; he was quiet and often was just staring out into space.

They learned at the station that a gun was found and the damage on James proved that he was shot at least once in the head. They would know in a few days whether or not it was a suicide or if someone killed him. They letter they all read was pretty straight forward that he did it himself but investigators had to go by the book. It was nearly a month before everything on James was finished. In the mean time they had gone through all his stuff and helped his parents with funeral arrangements. It was a crappy day for the funeral but inside everyone was happy. It would have been a shame if it was nice out, it would have been a wasted surfing day for James.

The funeral went on with difficulties but only from those who spoke. No one could keep a straight face and would cry and need a moment. There wasn't a dry eye in the room at all. The guys had their own speeches but they didn't have the courage to go up right away. Logan remembered all the good times they had together; on set, off set, on tour. He remembered all the laughs they shared and even told a few stories. Carlos did the same but also covered a bit of his background on behalf of his parents. Kendall shared his own stories and then talked directly to James himself as if he was there. They made their way to the cemetery where they said their final goodbyes and watched as his casket was lowered into the ground. They left in silence and spent the rest of the day with family at the reception and had the next day off. They met up together but had no plans and ended up wandering aimlessly around the country side away from the busy streets of Hollywood and avoiding paparazzi. They talked and grabbed a bite to eat although no one was really in the mood for talking or eating. They spent the next day at the network headquarters as they were bought out of the contract. They no longer wanted to continue without James. They agreed on a memorial episode for him as they did with Katie and explain in the episode that they quit. They said goodbye to the studio and their staff and thanked them for all their time and the great opportunity they were given. Everyone parted ways with no hard feelings. As per all network stars, they would be called back for an opening on another show if needed. They agreed and the three of them left to their own places to start the new chapter of their lives.

_***AN* Final chapter. Enjoy. Epilogue to come later. :)***_


	12. Epilogue

_***AN* Here's the epilogue to this long alternate ending. I believe I have one more but I might skip it for now and work on another plot while I finalize the other alternate ending. I've been writing a lot lately actually, but no fan fiction. I have been getting many idea for just regular fiction and i actually made an account over at FF's sister site . I havent uploaded anything yet though; there was this 2 day waiting period and at first I was impatient but then I completely forgot about it. I could have uploaded stuff all this week but I wanted to finish up the open stories that I have been working on. It is the last week of school now and its down to the wire, i need to spend this week working on my final paper for one of my classes its worth a bit of my grade, i only have a B in the class so it can definitely make an impact if I bomb it. I also have a test tomorrow. I'll probably spend the day at the library who knows. I have to clean my room to in an effort to find a few items that i will need at the end of May and my room is a disaster area. It's worse than a teenage boy's room I kid you not. Anyway, I've rambled on enough, enjoy this final installment and I'll see you next time! :)**_

James woke up on a couch. He heard a noise in the distance, sounded like running water. He looked around and saw he was in his old condo by the beach. He gathered that the water was coming from the kitchen but he couldn't see. He got up quietly and walked in to see Katie standing at the counter preparing dinner and soaking dishes to be washed. She looked up at him with a smile.

"How was your nap?" she asked before turning back to the counter. He was confused and disoriented still but he managed to give her an answer.

"Not bad. I had the strangest dream though." he responded

"About what?" she wondered

"It was nothing special just a little weird. What are you cooking?" he asked

"I'm making some chicken stock with the leftover scraps. I'll make chicken soup out of it later." she answered

"Mmmm. Yum." he said enthusiastically. He moved around the kitchen and sat at the table before looking over everything. "Hey, Katie?" "Yes?" she responded while continuing to work at the counter

"Does something feel different too you?"

"Different how?" she asked turning to him.

"I don't know. I cant describe it." he said as he looked around more. He grabbed the sides of the table firmly. "I know it sounds weird but, it feels more realistic than normal."

"You'll get used to that."

"What do you mean? Used to what?"

"I know everything looks the same but we arent in LA anymore."

"Then where are we?"

"James, you're dead."

"I'm WHAT?"

"You're dead. Gone. Passed on. A spirit of the great beyond."

'But how? Why? When?" he fired at her. She sighed as she put down the cutting knife.

"You committed suicide in your house. You couldn't bear the thought of being alone. Usually when a person dies they spend a few days in a waiting room of sorts as they finish up any loose ends they may have had on earth. You were set in your death and came straight here although you have been visiting a lot in your dreams. Dreaming really is a huge window to everywhere."

"How come you know all this?"

"Because I've been watching you from time to time. It was my duty. Everyone on earth has their own guardian angel; someone who was close to them. The bond we shared made me your angel. I was their to guide you through the rest of your life but my visits went ignored." She said calmly but sternly. James sunk back at her words. He didn't quite remember much of his time on earth but he hated thinking the Katie went ignored. He could tell she was hurt underneath the calm exterior. It was her job t make sure he lived out his life to the fullest and since he ended up here it means that she failed. But it was his fault, not hers, she shouldn't be punished for his actions.

"I'm not going to be punished; no need to worry." She said to him. He looked up to her in surprise. Could she read his thoughts? "Yes, I can read your thoughts; for now anyway. Once you gain permanent access I'll lose the ability to do so. But we'll be able to live together for all eternity, just like you've always dreamed." she could hear his mind swirling with questions but she waited for him to start asking on his own.

"Ok wait a minute; before I get anymore confused, why don't you explain everything from the start? I mean, I'm still trying to get over the shock that I'm dead." James said. Katie finished what she was doing and turned around, leaning on the counter.

"Sure. It's a bit of a story but I'm sure we got time." She pulled up a chair at the table and began the explanation. James was dead, that was the basis. Usually when people died, they didn't enter the clouds until spending some time in a neutral zone. This was where they reflected on their time on earth and tied up any loose ends. Since James was so adamant at the time of his death, he was able to skip it although it wasn't for the better. Although he was in the clouds, he didn't have permanent access. Suicide cases arrived straight to their guardian angel for discussion. It was the angel's job to answer questions and talk about what was going on, and what their guarded soul went through; in a way it was similar to the neutral zone.

"So then what happens now?" he asked when she finished.

"Nothing. Like I said, we'll live for eternity together. It's going to be a little weird at first while you get used to all the new things you can do. However, you'll only gain permanent access to the clouds and once you get your invitation and except. It'll be a few days before you get it; suicide victims aren't always ready nor willing to pass on completely even though they were ready on earth."

"How do I know if I'm ready?"

"You'll know. Until then, you are free to come and go as you please between here and earth. You could visit Kendall, Logan and Carlos and say goodbye one last time. That's what I did."

"Is that when you came to my dreams?"

"Yes, I went to everybody's dreams. I wanted to say goodbye one last time since I couldn't say it to your faces. I know the decision I made would be rough on everyone but I wanted to make sure you all knew that I was sorry and that you guys would live on in peace knowing that I was at peace." Katie said. James was quiet for a moment.

"You know that I tried right? I tried to live on without you but I just couldn't, I wasn't strong enough to continue alone. You were the only person who loved me for who I am despite the hardships we went through. I knew then how you felt for most of your life when you couldn't count on anyone. I don't know how you managed to make it so long, you were such a strong person. No one could have bared the amount of bullshit you had to deal with and when you finally let go of everything it all made sense. Whatever you were going through at that moment had to be worse than anything ever before and that's a lot. I was mad at you at first for not thinking of me, or Kendall and Logan, for being so selfish that you would take your own life. After everything you worked so hard for, to leave it all behind like it meant nothing, I just didn't get it but once I realized how hard it must have been, I couldn't be mad at you anymore." James said.

"I'm glad you understand what I was thinking but that was only the beginning. I was even lonelier when I came here, I had no one waiting for me, no one was watching over me like many souls have. My own family had ignored me. But because of my pure heart, I was able to become a guardian angel so I could meet souls that were lonely and they would feel welcome. They would never have to bear the pain that I did. I had so many regrets and loose ends that I couldn't actually live on in peace for eternity despite taking my own life. I left behind not only those I loved and cherished but I let all of my animal friends down. They trusted me to care for them and after all these years I just left them high and dry to suffer in silence." she said before pausing. "How could I do that? I traded everything I had to stop the pain and it ended up following me to haunt me everyday for the rest of my life. I'm just as alone now then when I was on earth and I wish I could take it all back somehow."

"You aren't alone, and you'll never be alone again. I love you, I love you more than anything life on earth had to offer. I gave it all up to spend the rest of eternity with you and I fully intend to stand by my decision no matter what." James said as He stood to walk over to her. "I just need to know that you'll let me." Katie wiped some tears that had escaped her eyes before she took a deep breath and sighed. She tried to be strong but James' words sunk into her and hit her like a ton of bricks. She didn't have to say anything, James pulled her into a hug and she gripped his shoulders with force. He knew right then that this was the start of their forever.

Once they broke away from each other a butterfly gently glided in front of them. James was confused but Katie held out her hand and accepted the butterfly. It flapped its wings gently a few times before she smiled and looked up to James.

"It's for you." she said holding it out to him. It flew off Katie's hand and began to encircle James before turning into a stream of light the engulfed him. Once it faded it revealed a 'new' James; he was younger, muscular, and was wearing his old favorites from his touring days. He was the James that she remembered ever so well and it was the James that James himself loved. He looked over himself quickly before catching Katie, who ran towards him, in a gripping hug; he picked her up off the ground and swung her in a circle before placing her back down. They were filled with joy and the tears were flowing as they looked each other in the eyes and then rested foreheads. They broke apart as their new world began to transform, to James' amusement and wonder. Katie had seen this happen before, the area a soul inhabits, changes to their ideal paradise; usually a favorite place, or memory. It happens when the souls is granted access to the clouds, James and her would sped eternity together just like they wanted.

"Are you ready to live you're dream?"

"I think I already am."

"Not quite. We may have our dream house and our lifestyle but there is one more piece to the equation."

"And that would be…?"

"You can finally meet the children that you lost out on." she said with a smile. She tuned to the side and standing behind her were her twins that she lost in the car accident many years ago. They greeted him with hugs but he was still in shock that he was finally meeting them. It took him a few seconds but he finally managed to hug them back before crying onto their shoulders. James couldn't have been happier, he had 11 year old twins, a boy Kenneth, named after Katie's granddad and a girl, Jayme, named after him. He was with the love of his life, in the house of his dreams; life was nearly perfect. They both missed Kendall and Logan but they often visited in their dreams just to check in on them every now and then; letting them now that they were thinking about them and so the guys wouldn't forget them.

They began life a new, in a way, as they began the newest chapter of the rest of their lives.


End file.
